2007

Last day of 2007. A year has passed by swiftly.

2007 - A year of changes, a year of shifting and learning, a year of growth…

I have got my own space, changed my status and landed myself in a different job eventually. In the midst, there were times of lows and highs, disgusts and joys, breakdowns and rejoices. On hindsight, many things did not seem as tough as when I was being caught in it. Maybe triumph makes one forget how one has struggled to reach the destination.

As I looked back, I am grateful for many people who have been in my life this year to support me through. I am well aware that I am blessed to have friends who have rooted for me, become my allies, been protective over me and gave me a helping hand when I needed it most. I know my life is made easier with them around.

There were occasions that I was blinded, foolish, hurt or lost; yet, there are times where I witnessed my own power, clarity and intention. Whichever, each experience that I have had is learning for me. Learning to shift, to surrender, to accept and to let go… in many different ways.

The New Year is close on heels. Of course, I am going to think through my 2008 declarations and take steps to have them accomplished in the upcoming year.

May 2008 brings everyone a year of possibilities, happiness and blessings. Happy New Year!

光良

Michael Wong aka Guang Liang has always been a singer whom I am especially fond of. He has such pristine vocals that will easily charm you over and melt your heart. His songs are simple and endearing, yet they are close to heart and always manage to stir up a part in you which you can associate very well with. I have always like 无印良品 since 1995 when Guang Liang and Pin Guang (aka Victor Wong) were a Mandopop duo. Then they split in 2000 when each went on to pursue individual singing careers.

And yes, Guang Liang got his new album《不会分离》out in Nov. I am certainly biased cos I would tell you thumbs up for this album…

Here’s a MTV in his new album that I do like… 《不会分离》

Oh yes, I am going to Guang Liang Concert on 1 March 2008. He is finally going to have his first solo concert in Singapore after such a long wait.

Seems like I have an unspoken affinity with the name “Michael”. They are found very often in my life. Such common name. Duh. Ha.

Merry Christmas!

25 Dec... Christmas Day.

X’mas has been one of my favourite holidays for many reasons. I love the mood in the air; I love this sharing and giving season; I love buying gifts for people close to me; I love the meaning behind X’mas...

Yet, this year, I am pretty immune to such a day. Somehow, my mood is different from the previous years. Just feeling quiet about it, and do not feel like doing anything about it too.

For one thing I had been avoiding the crowds at the shopping malls most of the times this month, and I was reluctant to go shopping for gifts too. I did receive quite a few pressies from many... But except for a selected handful which I bought something especially for them, I did not get anything for the others.

Maybe it was the last minute shopping for the various colleagues in my office last year that had put me off. In my previous office, many would go get everyone else a X’mas present *roll eyes*. It did not seem nice not to buy something back, so it was a shopping frenzy for me last year for no purposeful reason. (Well, I think the gist is no extreme for me please, cos that would put me off...)

For whatever reason it could be, I do not think there is a ‘right’ feeling when X’mas approaches. Each year, it could be a different experience by itself due to many factors.

Yet, Merry X’mas, folks! Have a joyful, peaceful and blessed X’mas!

The Life Game

Was supposed to participate in a workshop called "The Life Game" last Sat. It is supposed to be a fun workshop for us to discover the choices that we have made that got us to where we are now. The time was supposedly to be from 1 pm to 6.30 pm. But the stupid woman here got the timing wrong - she thought that it was 1.30 pm to 6pm. So as the whole story goes, they got there at 1.30pm, only to realise that the workshop had already started like 1/2h ago…

So well, I did not get into the room… For workshops like these, I do not fancy being late… (and btw, I seldom get timing for such events wrong) So no workshop for me, ended up going home. But the irony is the Life Game has started for me even way before the actual workshop. It was clear how I had showed up such that I was late. I did not bother enough to even get the timing right. When all other 80 participants could get it right, I got it wrong. So much about the hassle to make my way there on time at 1.30 pm on a Sat afternoon.

Indeed, my 'journey' to the Life Game may just be a mini reflection of the other areas of my life and my state of mind at this point - I spent so much effort trying to get to where I want to be, only to realise that I stood myself up by making a blunder that shouldn't be there in the first place. There is little effort on my part to take note of small but crucial details, like the timing in this instance. I just simply assumed that I got it right without confirming or checking again.

What a way to set myself up for failure. Where is all the effort that I need to put in to ensure that I got things right and on track? Or perhaps where is my heart and intention in getting to where I said? Do I really want to make it happen, or I am just half hearted? What a Life Game. Totally intolerable of myself on such possible costly mistakes.

Time for me to take stock, reflect deeper on how I have showed up and shift in ways that I can serve myself better in the New Year to come.

Not Enuff?

Often, I feel that I have not given my best
That I am not a good enough __________
The fill-in-the-blank list can be ever long

I feel that I should and could have done more
By putting in more effort, trying more ways
To make things happen, to create the intended results etc

When things go wrong
I ask where I have not done right
I question where I have not done enough
Can there be more?
Can I do more?
How can I shift?
Such that the situation/outcome/process is more desirable

However, along the way, I get weary
It can be tiring to keep scaling mountains
When someone is always a taker
When some people just do not get it
When the silver lining seems nowhere in sight

Not that I want to be immune
I am never immune, in fact
Yet, I am only human
I may reach a point of my limits
Or that I decide to be lazy by taking the easy way out
So I figure the way to go about it is to… leave it…
Till I decide to do something about it someday again…

Hmm..

Succumbing to weaknesses
Giving in to stupidity
Surrendering to temptation
Reducing to such lowly position

Like the bright dandelion
It's pretty but can be weedy
Like the ugly duckling
Awkwardly nowhere it belongs

As with a dandelion clock
It's easily blown apart
Only a tiny fragment
It's readily erased off
How sadly significant only

More or less
No position to demand
Better or worse
Who is to judge

It should not
And should never be
The imaginary line
How should it be drawn?

Notes from the Universe

Bought this book “Notes from the Universe” from Times last Friday. Spent almost 45mins in the bookstore and this book caught my eyes. Not a novel, nor a book that’s hard to read. It just contains messages in these 218 pages. All are short and sweet, yet, they are incredible insightful and amazingly inspiring, especially if you do get what each message is trying to get across. Universe power...

Here are 2 extracts from the book, which I like:

You could never spend all the abundance that’s yours to spend.
Your supply is truly limitless.

Of course, of course, you already know that.
The size of your supply isn’t the issue. Finding it is.
You know it’s there, you know it’s yours, and you know you deserve it. But how to get yor hands on it? That’s the challenge.

Aha, “how.” Did you just ask “how”? You did.

Oh dear, never ask how. Never think about how; let go of the hows. If you wonder about how, it means your consciousness is not dwelling in spirit, it means you’re trying to manipulate matter, and it means you’re gonna be searching for a long, long, long, long time.

Steer clear of the hows, dear heart,
And simply dwell on the end result.

Got it?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your invisible limiting beliefs are only invisible when you live within their limits – or when you keep doing what you’ve always been doing.

Push yourself. Dare yourself to think bigger, to reach, and to behave as if a dream or two of yours has already manifested. Then you’ll see ‘dem little buggers pop out of the woodwork, painted fluorescent orange, loaded to the teeth with logic, imploring you to turn around and go back to safety!

Do something, do it today, something you wouldn’t normally do. Like maybe… take off early from work and go see a matinee movie.

Aha! Did you just see a couple of ‘em?!

Be warned: Sometimes, once exposed, they’ll try to snuggle up to you, looking sooo innocent and adorable. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, they’ll start with their “baby talk.” Sickening.

A Lesson Learnt from My Mom

I remembered the days when I was young and I used to throw tantrums and sulk. Such wilful kid I am huh? (Confession: I still sulk and throw tantrums nowadays too...Oops). Yet, there was one lesson that I picked up from my mummy on this.

I remembered my brothers or I would go on 'strike' at times and refuse to take our lunch or dinner. Yup, we thought it was a smart way of protesting to voice out unhappiness, to show displeasure or to display anger.

My mummy would just shrug her shoulders and said, “If you do not want to eat, it is you who go hungry, not me. It is you who suffer, not me...”

That was a teaching that I always remembered for one reason or another. Translated into more ‘adult’ terms, it just means many a time, we behave or show up in certain ways we think may hurt others around us or we may think our actions are inconsequential, yet, at the end of the day, we are just self sabotaging only.

If we choose to be rebellious and fail in exams to go against our parents; if we decide to ill treat ourselves to make the other party guilty for breaking up with us; if we decide to live a life of destruction just to spite some people, we are the ones who ultimately pay the price, not our parents, not our ex-partner or any other person out there.

Of course, we may be caught in situations that we sabotage ourselves without knowing. After all, we are all human beings with feelings, and are still learning. Yet, for the obvious, there is really no excuse. We cannot always get carried away by our feelings or evaluations, and be excused for all the things we have done or not done, especially when certain wilful acts do not serve us in a right and meaningful way.

I thank my mom for teaching me this.

Pretend?

Pretend... as if nothing has happened; as if everything is back to how it used to be.

Can it be? Will it be? Can anything be so easily erased and forgotten?

Or is it simply about taking the easy way out by sweeping issues, events, feelings under the carpet? Behaving as if everything is fine, knowing that it can never be the same ever as the root of the issues has never been faced up or addressed at all?

Time is the ultimate medicine or antidote? (Or is it the worst poison to any memory that one holds?)

I would choose to think that as time slips past each day, some people and things have lost their significance and place - they are not as close to the heart anymore, thus all that had happened no longer matter.

Consequently, there is no need to be bothered by it or to care about it much further anymore. Just let it be... and so be it...

The world is constantly evolving. We are taking steps forward every day. It is plain naiveness to think it can be status quo.

Standard Chartered Half Marathon 2007

Did the Standard Chartered half marathon yesterday. Woke up at 4.30am after a less than 5h sleep to prepare myself for the run. The flag off was at 6.15am, and it was really crowded that it took me more than 5 mins to step past the starting line.

My crunch time came at about 16km, where my arches hurt like anything, and my thighs and calves were almost cramping. I kept murmuring to myself, getting myself to push on; I let out a whisper of despair. The sun was exceptionally hot this year, with the rays shining straight onto the face at about 8am. Yet, when I know the finishing line was so close at 17km, I just ran with all the remaining strength that I could possibly muster.

I completed the run in about 2h 20min, with the timing a little better as compared to last year. It was certainly not a spectacular timing to have for many, but I am glad that I did achieve a better timing this year. I would not be able to tolerate myself if I fared worse, for some reasons.

Was indeed tired when I reached home after a hearty breakfast, knocking out from 11.30am to 4.30pm, with many visits to the toilets and gulping down of water in between.

Today my whole legs are aching, including my stomach muscles. Stairways are a torture today. But I am really glad that I did my run yesterday. For these few years, I have always used this Standard Chartered run to mark the end of a year in spectacular.

It also serves as a continuous learning, reminder and training - no matter how hard the going is, the end point is my goal; crunch time is where I need to face up, but give up I should not. The victory waiting at the end line is worth all the hard work and the pain... I just need to grit my teeth and see it through, as the taste of victory is sweet...

Distinction 5 Again

There is no coincidence why this distinction:

“My vision and commitments dictate my actions, not my feelings, assessment or evaluation"

support me best most of the times, as I realised I really do have lotsa judgements, thoughts and feelings towards many things that happen around me… so much so that sometimes, I just get derailed by all of it …

I just need to be grounded huh, don’t I?

How it will grow

It is not about the number of gifts received;
It is not about the cost value of each gift;
Neither it is about the frequency of gifts;
Though I’m sure everyone (and I do) love the occasional lavish pampering with gifts.

It is about the ability to communicate on the same note,
Though viewpoints and stands may be totally different;
It is about the willingness to align towards a common vision;
And the capacity to walk, explore and grow together.
That is how any relationship will flourish over time.

Birds of the same feathers flock together?
Yes, I do think so, if it's taken on the right note.

My Sat

• Attended my advance buddy baby's full month celebration at Lao Bei Jing at noon and had a good time catching up with some of the fellow mates. The baby is really cute and amazingly quiet!
• Had a breakdown as some things had finally reached my limits, totally beyond my comprehension, patience and support means, and I am washing my hands off.
• Did a 16km run in the evening as a training for my upcoming half marathon in a week time. My legs seem wanna give way though. A price to pay for my laziness in training.
• The bright, full moon was hard to miss. It always seems so near yet so far. I love it still though. Nonetheless, it is always a good old companion to have during my runs at nights.

More Thots

Outsiders always have a clearer picture than the involved parties? I figure so, isn't it? At times, it can be so glaringly straight in the face for the outsiders, yet, the involved party is clouded by his or her own judgments, assessments or emotions.

I do presume it is always easier and clearer to any bystander cos there are no additional emotions involved. At such, one can fully, clearly, rationally see the whole picture without being influenced or caught in own spiral trap.

Personally, it is sometimes so crystal clear to me about certain issues, certain solutions or ways of doing. Thus, there are times where I am totally impatient, frustrated and irritated when some cannot get it, or how they choose to short sell themselves or go about self sabotaging by creating a bigger shit hole for themselves than necessary.

Yet, being caught in similar situations before, I can perfectly understand how the mind and thoughts are clouded and the heart is confused. Everything seems to be hazy, with no one clear solution or way out…

Introspection is always necessary. Yet, if introspection just revolves around a few parameters, I can never see outside my own box, and never be able to see other possibilities. We all have our "blind spots", thus, I'm always appreciative of people who have been around me to support me and point out certain perspectives that I have failed to consider. Of course, it can be hurting at times to face up to the cold "truth". It takes a lot of courage to fish out everything, especially emotions, which may have been so tightly and nicely wrapped up, and swept under the carpet for donkey years. I may fail to recognise the non-serving beliefs that I may have towards many issues, people or events as they may be so deeply entrenched somewhere in me unknowingly. All the excuses that I have come up with to cover up for whatever event/ feeling etc , I may be convinced that they are the actual reasons or facts already.

Yet, I know that if I could identify and face them boldly, that is where I learn, grow and be better.

I always remember and do agree with what HS has said before – it is certain that we will learn whatever we need to learn in our life, just that we can take 15 years to learn it or simply take an accelerated platform and learn within a much shorter time frame. I am also clear that if I never learn what I need to learn, the same thing will happen to me repeatedly till I learn how to approach or view the matter differently.

Well, I don't have that many 15 years… I would not be able to tolerate myself taking such snail steps… I think I will frustrate myself to death… I just cross my fingers and hope that I do have the IQ, EQ, AQ or whatsoever Q to look beyond, to explore deeper and to be wiser as time goes by.

"The Rose"

I always remember this song “The Rose”. I had heard this song many a times long before, but the lyrics never did strike a cord in me till a few years back. I remembered we were at our friend’s publishing firm for a small group meeting when HS played this song and highlighted the lyrics in the song book that she had brought along.

It was that instance that I felt connected to this song. Such powerful lyrics indeed, bringing out the essence of love, strength and hope in such a touching and clever manner. Take the end of the 1st verse for example, it states “I say love, it is a flower, and you its only seed.” We are the only opening to the door to our heart and love, isn’t it?

I especially love the 2nd verse of the song:

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live.

How true indeed. The heart that closes up itself will never rejoice in love; the one who fears to dream will never take the leap; the one who refuses to accept can never give; the one who scares to risk will never experience life itself fully…

The rest of the song, well, I supposed you can connect to it too, if you do open your ears and your heart to listen to it. Certainly a song that one can draw strength on and to remind oneself about.

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Practise

I do swims and runs occasionally… Yes, I think you do know.

Did I ever share that I was really lousy at swimming in the past, that I can hardly finish half a lap? Did I ever say that I suck big times at running too, so much so that a short distance can make my face green and send my legs wobbling?

Yet, it is always practise that make perfect. Every time I hit the pool, I swim with the same strokes (fyi, I only know breast stroke well), yet, every time I learn something new, like how to glide through the water better, how to kick my legs such that I am more efficient, how to draw my arms such that it is less of an effort. So even now, I am still experimentaling and learning how I can get better at my strokes.

The same goes for jogging. As I jog more, I understand my body better. I start to understand the shoes that may suit me better; I realise I need to stretch my back often so that my back will not be aching after a long run; I learn how to control my breathing so that I can manage my stitches. I get better each time, stretching my distance further, running more comfortably over these few years…

Well, I think you get the gist of it.

Simply, what I am trying to say is that every experience, be it doing the same things or trying something novel, we get new understanding and learning every time, such that we get better at it come another time. Hence, we got the phrase of “practise makes perfect”. Every experience allows a chance for us to improve or to learn something new... It is about being fully aware of what we are doing, and seeking to improve.

Yet again, one cannot improve simply by just thinking through the process over and over again. "Mental masturbation" cannot get anywhere, isn’t it? Cos it is all just in the mind! One needs to get all hands, legs or whole body dirty, and through that, one can then learn over and over again.

...

My thoughts has been racing these 2 weeks
That it is almost driving me mad
Haunting me with headaches perpetually

My dreams are ruthless too

That I almost can’t differentiate dreams from reality
And I woke up every day feeling groggy and drained

My questions are never ending as well
One question leads to another
Leading me deeper into the pondering swirl

People who have been and are important
I wonder, I hesitate, I question
For I do not know how anymore

To scale to greater height
The path may be more difficult now
To get to a better ending
The bullet may be now to bite

See, I lost myself in thoughts pretty easily…
I pity my brain…

Diving Pics at Tulamben/ Lombok/ Seraya

Some of the diving photos taken during my recent Bali/ Lomok trip:


Peacock Flounder


Ornate Ghost Pipefish


(Giant!) Painted Frogfish


Necklace Sea Star


Bump Head Parrot Fish


Moray Eel and Hinge-beak Shrimps


Nudibranch

The followings

In these recent weeks, I have noticed the followings:

1. I am having post holiday blues since I was back from Bali 2 weeks. Dunno if I am too carried away by playing or I am simply too bored now? I think I am also crazy about diving after this trip. Just keep thinking about water, diving and more diving. Gosh. It must be due to the over-indulgenced idyllic lifestyle during the diving days, and all the new marine species that I stumbled across during this trip?

2. It is a psychological barrier for me to be waking up any time before 7am. 630am is just 1/2h different from 7am, yet I am always thinking that I need to sleep earlier to make up for the sleep deficiency, and thus I need to be home earlier everyday to get enough rest.

3. I am getting more piggy. I have been napping for at least 2h in the afternoon every time it is a weekend or a Public Holiday. Yet, the more I sleep, the more I think I need to sleep. I still feel tired lor, that is the whole point! A sign of old age? Or is it a sign of plain laziness?

4. I cannot go out for too long, cos it makes me tired pretty fast, coupled with headache at times. Then I will feel I need a long time to recuperate. I rather rest at home more nowadays or do my runs/swims. Is it about laziness again? Or a lack of energy? Or…?

A passing phase? An adaptation period? Or it is really about changed habits and thinking?

Today's Thots

I had a walk home from the MRT station at slightly past midnight just now. And cos I have changed into a pair of flats just now, I have enjoyed the walk even though I was carrying tons with things with me. . I always love walking in the night in comfort wears actually. The night is always serene and peaceful, and made better especially with breezes.

Much thought has been racing in my mind suddenly this evening. Thus this entry may be haphazard, with no link from one another. Yet, I do want to jot them down…

I was on the topic with fear and courage this evening. Coincidently, I was on this yesterday too. I personally have very bad experiences with certain things before, thus I have formed certain beliefs about me and the issues themselves. As such, I may resist coming anywhere close to them again for fear I may be hurt again. Yet, deep inside I do know that I cannot stop short in actions just because of a few failures or bad experiences. The courage to try again needs to be in place… even though I suspect that the heart may just stop pumping… Yes, I took the courage to risk it and attempt again after so much hesitation… and I am glad that I did it though I still may not know the result. “Courage is certainly not without fear. Courage is confronting the fear and still does it anyway.” I always hold this coaching close to my heart.

Have you caught yourself in some relationships that can be draining? Those relationships with people that you try your best to be understanding and accommodating to the extent that you frustrate and question yourself; or you do not know what you are doing any more or what to expect any longer? What would you do then – ignore and pretend all is alright and continue as it is, or make yourself immune to it, shut down and just accept, or confront it with intent to resolve, or just simply cut it off?? What will you choose? Is the choice so easy? Can we ignore the issues when we know that they will only get bigger, not go away? Yet, to confront requires so much strength – the ability to bear and deal with the possible hurt that can linger for a long time down the road…

Everyone’s ability to comprehend, grasp and understand is different. Otherwise, the world will be so competitive that you or I can hardly breathe with ease. Even thought certain things may be crystal clear to me, they may still appear murky to you… Thus one of the learning that I got over these few years is to accept and be at ease with that. At the same time, I learnt that “if the king is not urgent, why should the eunuch be?” If you do not desire to get to the goal that you say is important to you, I cannot desire and do it for you… for it is your own life that you are talking about...

Debrief

It was definitely a good debrief of the basic staff team by Ken Ito yesterday evening. Though it was 2h long, never did I once feel restless... Oh yes, I need to say that Ken is getting so charismatic. Think he should be at least 50 years old, yet, he is much more attractive now than a few years ago!

Other than the usual review of our declarations and results, he has gone in depth with each of us on what we had experienced and learnt. He had indeed held up another mirror, allowing us to bounce our thoughts, which in turn let us discover our blind spots and how they may have manifested in our lives. He has also provided other points of views that many of us may not have considered before, enabling us to see alternatives and possibilities.

Communicating aloud my experiences, my feelings and my learning, I further got clear on certain issues through the support of others.

Indeed, I am experimentaling on how I should show up that may serve myself and others in the best possible ways. I do not want my intense being to scare or put off some people, though most of the times, I still would prefer to be direct and upfront (oopss, people never change! =P).

I think I have sourced for more evidence on the importance of clarity too… When I get clear of my goals and intentions, all else will subsequently fall in place – the actions, the iron will etc. And there is no better time than NOW, for I may not be here when tomorrow comes…

李玖哲 -《想太多》

His new debut album is really so nice that I can't help but to share it! Nicky Lee has such a sexy voice that it is almost impossible not to be captivated by him, not to mention all his songs are so sentimental and can be so close to one's heart...

One of his nice songs here...

Away at Bali & Lombok

Seems like I have suddenly gone missing for awhile... It has been like 2 weeks since my last blog entry... Yup, I really did not have much access to internet for the past 11 days. Or rather, I refused to spend my time in front of a pc when I am overseas for holidays. =P

I made a trip back to Bali again, or more specifically, it is Kuta @ Bali and Gili @ Lombok. I was there for 10 days, with 5 days of pure indulgence in diving. I should say the diving was excellent! We saw so diverse eco-marine life this time round! I should go into more details and upload some of the nicer photos when I am done with them.

There are so many things that I would like to write about my trip this time round. Yet, I think I should mention Gili specifically here ... I was there for 4D3N, mainly to for diving purposes... We were diving with Manta Dive operator there, and were staying in a bungalow on the beach of Gili Trawangan, an idyllic island north west of Lombok just east of Bali. The bungalow was fantastic - simple yet self sufficient. I personally love it. It is based on a traditional rice barn, with a secluded outdoor bathroom and toilet! Shiok! Ha... The room was clean and spacious, with lotsa space for us to dump our barangs around!

The rattan Sasak styled rice barn accommodation

The outdoor toilet

The bathing area, of cos!

The various dive sites around the 3 Gilis islands

The cat caught idling outside my rice barn

Gili is a laid back island, with no motorized vehicles at all. You can only caught sights of horse carriages. Locals there lead such simple lifestyles, with livelihood mainly evolving around tourism. Their kids can just keep themselves happily entertained by playing in the seawater and building sandcastles at the beach. Most of the tourists are ang-mos though and they are there to stay for long from at least a week to 7 weeks!

The main street of Gili

The horse carriage and the sun rays

The kids at the beach, building sandcastles and decorating with dead corals

I love the nights there. With no TV in the rooms, everyone was out to catch a big screen movie played by some of the restaurants, or simply just be around with people to interact. You can just simply relax at any restaurant that you fancy, some of which have seats just on the beach itself. The nightfall is early – the sky starts to turn dark at early 6pm.

After a good dinner feast out there, you can simply lie on your back, stretch your legs to relax on the big and comfy couches provided by the restaurants. The starry skyline is simply spectacular, leaving you in awe; the sea waves, less than 5-6m away, beat against the shore, singing in rhythm with your heartbeats, reminding you that it is simply splendid to be alive. Of course, nothing beats enjoying all these with a chilled Bintang on hand! This is Life... !!

The dusk scenery

The jetty?

Bintang Beer, our Manta-Ray room key and the Indian Smoke tingy


Of course, by 11pm, you would love to hit the bed after a warm bath at the outdoor bathroom… I mean, what else can you do other than to sleep when there is no TV or any other much entertainment? Sleeping is a real indulgence itself, isn’t it? Haaa…

The End of One Chapter

“Everything happens for a reason”... “There is no coincidence”... I have heard people asserting these points over the years, and I do agree with them. I mean, if I want to look for reasons for any event that happens to me, and every people that enters into my life at any point in time, I am sure I can find lots of them.

I had just marked the end of the chapter in my present company. Outwardly, it seems like a very short chapter, with only 11 months. However, it is indeed a long journey to me as it only took me 2 days to know I am in the wrong place.

I supposed I had made many wrong first moves in this work place. As such, I inevitably set myself up for a lot of trouble and issues here. For so many times, I questioned myself in the ways that I had showed up that did not give me the desirable results; in many occasions, I literally broke down; for many months, I tried to shift and recreate...

Yet, during this torturous process, I had certainly learnt more about myself, recognized people’s idiosyncrasy, and realized how I may need to shift to get it ‘right’. It may not be that pleasant an experience, but I do know I have gained invaluable learning that will serve me further in my further jobs. And I did finally get it ‘right’, though I have certainly run out of patience as I refused to be engaged in such meaningless tussles any further, and be stuck in a job that isn’t that forwarding moving.

I do believe that this chapter happened for a reason, and I know it is all for the better. Cos I have certainly got clearer of what I am looking for, what may serve me better and how I need to shift to give me the intended results... Oh yes, I assert that the power of sourcing works as actions will follow closely after the intention is stated! I did get another job, a job that I wanted, after being through 3 rounds of tedious interviews... And I am excited about it... :)

After Thots

My birdday was a few days ago... On such a day yearly, I am always being reminded how blessed and well loved I am by all the people around me. Messages of affectionate wishes, showers of love, gestures of gifts, acts of surprises... warm my heart, bring a smile, draw much laughter and mesmerize my soul...

“Thank you” is perhaps all that I can say. My vocabulary is indeed limited.

Simpe yet invaluable moments like these fill up my memory tank, and will be close to my heart in this life journey.

Give me the Space

Think I am a rebellious bitch. I hate people breathing down my neck. I hate to be closely watched. I hate being excessively fussed over. I hate people telling me what I need or need not do. I hate people sticking too close to me for comfort or restricting me in my actions. I hate anything that suffocates me.

I desire freedom. I desire breathing space. I desire the ability to do what I feel like doing. I am untamable to a certain extent. If I am already very independent since young, I certainly cannot tolerate anyone who watches over me, attempts to control my movements, or stick to me that closely now, even though it is all with good intentions...

I may give in in many instances after considering the big picture, from the other person's point of view and for the benefit of everyone. However, it doesn't mean that I like it. It also doesn't mean that I can tolerate it for long. There is always a limit to my patience, especially when I feel restricted and suffocated.

Of course, it does not mean that I would simply run loose, disregard any consequences and go do whatever I fancy or things like that. I do know my own limits, and I love company, friends, feedbacks etc. I am certainly muddled-headed at times, and will love people to be around to support me when that happens.

I also make effort to get relationships going. I love to make and spend time with the people I love, doing things together and sharing moments; yet, it doesn't mean it needs to look a certain way, or it got to be on everything and everyday or that frequent. To me, it is always about letting each other has the space to grow and enjoy individually, yet, coming together at times to create experiences and moments. It is definitely a delicate imaginery balance, with no one right scale for each relationship, nor for sure how it may work out...

Whichever, the gist of it is I do adore my own space very much, and appreciate people who respect that.

What a Week!

This week seems to pass by in a fuzzy! Today is already Thu, yet I think I have left my brain on the shelf since Mon… I got difficulty remembering which day is today. It is like mad rush everyday, not so much with work, but with all other things! Every evening is packed with something to handle. Then again, it is not like I am out each evening to chill out with friends or have the luxury to be TV potato couch... Haha...

And my cat, Mick is sick again. He has been visiting the vet a few times this year already – Feb, Mar, May and then now. His old problem came back - he got very bad and swollen teeth with some bad teeth. He is also down with flu, with his nose seriously blocked, and sneezing and wheezing... All problems together, he is not eating and is dehydrated. So I got him to the vet on Tue evening, and he was hospitalised. He was supposed to do dental scaling for his teeth, but then he got such bad flu that the vet advised to cure his flu first. Otherwise, he may not wake up from his GA after the scaling... Her words “what is the point of having a cat which got clean teeth but dead...” Haha...

I managed to cramp in some time to rush down immediately after my work to the clinic to visit Mick before I went home to wait for my part time cleaners yesterday night. Gosh, he was in such a sorry state. He was on drip cos he is still not eating or drinking, and he was all dirty with his urine, cos I think he refused to move at all in his cage. He was also super grouchy and stressed up staying there. Felt so sorry for him. I managed to clean him up a little, sayang him and stayed with him for awhile. When I left, he seemed so much happier and cleaner... However, I got no time this evening to pop by to take a look at him. I do hope he is really getting better and not feeling as stressed...

My Staffing Experience

The 5 days of basic training were over. Yet life has just started for those who had been inside the room for the past 5 days.

It has been an enriching and wonderful (though very tiring!) staffing experience for me. Unlike the previous basic staffing, I am at ease most of the times (or apparently?)... After a few more years of growth and experiencing life out there, I walked into the training room with different point of views on how I should show up, on results and how to support this great bunch of people. I have certainly learnt to celebrate where these people are at this point in time, trust the processes and hold the people big enough to know that they will shift and get what they need to get about their life in the training room. I have also realised that I have learnt over the years to trust myself in the ways I support these people, yet ask for coaching if I need it.

Basics training is all about self-awareness - how each has shown up in life so far and how they can get to the goals they say are important to them. My heart goes all out to the 60 participants who have worked very hard to take a look at their own lives and creating values for themselves. Perhaps they do not know, but as a staffer, I may be more excited than they themselves, and was anxious to know how I can show up to support them such that they would take risks, create values and see possibilities in their lives at each passing day. Seeing their faces on Sun, each of us, total 10, we know that our time, effort, lack of rest and sleep, and commitment are all worth it. In many ways, the participants have contributed a lot to me personally too - they have amazed and inspired me, and have busted a lot of beliefs that I may hold. I salute them wholeheartedly...

Indeed, this experience has re-grounded me all over again, and let me realise once more how great it feels to be in contribution to someone...

Heal The World

Heard this song over the radio again early this morning... "Heal the World" by Michael Jackson. A big song certainly, for world peace and making the world a better place, and it has aptly brought up that the power lies within each of us to make a difference. I have special attachment for this song as I had used this song to mark the learning and understanding I got from a journey.

I like particularly these few phrases:

"There's a place in your heart
And I know that is love
And this place could be much
Brighter than tomorrow"

"If you want to know why
There's a love that cannot lie
Love is strong
It only cares for joyful giving
If we try we shall see
In this bliss
We cannot feel Fear or Dread
We stop existing and start living"

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OWTFGFIA

Somehow I am unsettled. Perhaps I am mentaling about all the mechanics that I need to do. Perhaps I am excited about the people who are walking in. Perhaps I am nervous about how I would show up in the room. Perhaps I am worried that I may not do it right…

Sometimes, it can be such an irony. When I am trying something new, not knowing what to expect, not knowing what is going to happen, there may be little fear to freeze me as there is nothing and no basis for me to... However, when I have experienced it once and know how it may be like, I may be hesitant to attempt another round…

Bad experiences with things may stop me short. They may alter my entire views about certain issues and ways of doing things, thus I may never want to be caught in similar situations ever again. Yet again, past experiences are not meant to be taken as a “predication or forecast for future performances”?

Good experiences? Well, I know the process is exhilarating, so much so that I suspect that my faint heart may not be able to take such roller coaster excitement!

So see, life is so troublesome, isn’t it?? Hahaha…

But then again, “Oh, What The F***, Go For It Anyway!”

When the intention and vision are clear, things will eventually fall in the right place… :)

Going back to staff

What a sunny Sat morning. It has been quite awhile that I am this awake on a Sat morning. Haha... I have not been updating my blog for the past week, yet it was a week where I had made quite a few decision calls...

Well, I am finally going back to staff the basic training this coming Wed-Sun. Somehow, I am feeling somewhat jittery - after all, it has been a quite awhile since I am back to serve the people. But, I am going to be as committed to the people as they are committed to themselves in the training room.

Basic training... a training that has served me far and good... It is indeed an accelerated learning of life, which I discover, shift, grow and contribute. It was the first door opening that I took a closer look at myself, and how I had shown up so far that led to all my results in my life. As such, I am always eager to share with I have gained with people who are close to me. Like how I have benefited greatly, I hope that they will gain a lot via this training. I cannot vocalize everything that I have realised and gained, they can only experience for themselves to know what I am talking about.

I have enrolled a handful of people to walk into the training room, my brothers included. I must acknowledge them for their openness and willingness to explore how they can be propelled further in their life. I am always very excited and elated when someone close to me nods his or her head to agree to walk into the training, and I am even more excited when it was Sunday – the day that the training ends.

Yet again, many a times, I fail to enroll some of my closest friends to walk into the training room. Yes, it can really be an upsetting experience to handle that rejection. I may fail to see why they refuse to simply take a little of their time to see how they can be better in their own life. Or rather, I cannot comprehend why they do not even allow themselves to discover what can be possibly in store for them. It is after all only 40h of training!! What is there to lose, really? *scratch head*

Through doing enrollment, I learnt a lot about myself - the me in taking risks, in being open, in being vulnerable; the me and the relationship with results and rejections... I also learnt about the choices that others make, though at times I am puzzled about the way they reach a certain decision...

Oops, guess I have been dwelling on some boring stuff now...*zipped* Whichever, I am going to be re-grounded and will be back into the training room next week to support those who have taken the first steps. Certainly, it is going to be tiring as I may hit home like way past midnight for a few nights. However, it is all worth it, and it will be another enriching learning experience for me too... :)

Out of Stamina

I am a recreational jogger. I run occasionally to keep fit and de-stress.

For fun, I do half-marathons mostly nowadays too once or twice a year. The finishing line is always the focus once I am out of the starting line... Yet again, there are times that I obviously have under trained and started to struggle very hard at certain points in the long distance run. Crunch times indeed. And I may curse and swear, or despair wondering why I set myself up for such pain and struggle, and if I will cross the finishing line or not. Yet, running always gets better after more practices...

And yes, I'm indeed blessed. Twists and turns of events have left me bewildered and amazed... This roller coaster ride is leaving my heart in my mouth. But I am glad that things have fallen in place for me somehow (hopefully...). Otherwise, I am worried that I cannot cross the finishing line this time round as the route is filled with too many unexpected uphill and sharp turns...

Hopefully, I will be better after this...

How Will You Feel...?

How will you feel when …

... all seems to go well only to have something unexpected cropping up?

... the hopes are raised only to be dashed?

... a hug becomes a handshake?

... understanding turns into green-eyed monster?

... an ocean separate the intimacy?

... some things seem so near yet so far?

... optimism seems lonely and depressed?

... memories for certain moments are so limited?

Happy Birthday again!

20 Sep is but just another day away. Another year has slipped past quickly and it is R's bday again...I rem blogging about him last year this time too. How much things have changed in this one year? Perhaps one is that my status now is different. Ha. Other than that, I am sure we had our own fair shares of encounters, roller coaster rides, and growth too.

Again, I want to wish him happy birthday and that he will excel and shine brightly in his own areas…

"You have been great. I thank you for always being there for me. Your stand for me has been unwavering; your faith in me seems greater than what I believe in myself. I appreciate your honesty many a times too - your honest feedbacks, your honest revelation of your feelings and your honest views of and on things.

Continue to soar and create results. The journey is as fulfilling as you make it to be.

Happy Birthday, Buddy. A big '4' for you. Hugsss."

All These...

Death, are you afraid of it? You never know is there really an after life or things like that, as much as religions of any sort may advocate their own versions of after death. Is death that frightening, or it is the struggle before death that is scarier?

Someone once asked me this qn "if you have a choice, will you choose to die before or after your partner?" My ans: “My partner to die before me. So he needs not grieve over the pain of losing me and handle all the matters that may follow." It is the livings who need to fight a stronger battle to manage the pain of losing a loved one. Yet, many will choose to die first so that they need not see their loved ones leaving them...

I never like attending wakes as this means someone that I know got a family member who has passed away. I do not like the experiences that I have at wakes. The emotions in the air can be scarily overwhelming...

Life is so vulnerable. Today we may complain about those little things that have bogged us down, failing to realize that we are simply blessed to be alive, breathing and healthy. The moment that passed can never be revived, hence the term "Carpe Diem".

We can never satisfy everyone too. As long as we are happy doing what we are doing, not at the expense of someone’s welfare, we sometimes need not be bothered too much about what others have to say. Otherwise, we will spend a lifetime trying to live up to others’ expectations and not for ourselves… Is there any purpose in doing so?

Heard this song this morning, at a moment when my feelings are tender. Yes, the right song at the right time… This song has its own significance especially a few years back when I opened a different yet wonderful door of journey for myself… Whitney Houston - The Greatest Love of All...

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Can?

Everything has its time and place
Even the day has to give way to the night
So has the time come?
Is the place right?

It...

Cannot express it freely
Cannot flaunt it openly...

Cannot request for it overtly
Cannot demand for it wilfully...

Privilege and Right
They are not my friends...

Reason and Sanity
They leave me in the lurch...

Sensibility and Sensitivity
They are phronemophobic...

A distance is where I stand
A place do I have?

Questions that I may have
Answers I wish not hear...

It...
Can only be wished upon...

Such Nice Photo

Nope, this photo is certainly not taken by me for sure! How could I have taken such a nice photo with my lousy photography skill?! Yet, I cannot resist putting this photo up as it really speaks for and by itself...

The 5 Love Languages

There are 5 love languages, accordingly to author Gary Chapman. There are:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

Accordingly, you may speak a different primary love language from your loved ones, be it your partner, friend, family members etc. In order for your own emotional tank to be filled, your partner got to speak your love language and vice versa. Of course, speaking another love language unfamiliar to you may require lotsa effort on your part. Yet, at the end of the day, it is for yourself, and the relationship that you may have been wanting?

I recently re-flipped this book "The Five Love Languages" again. I got this book many years back. Think should be about 7 years back by a mere chance. It is an easy book to read, fast to finish… perhaps it is cos that I am just browsing through it very quickly. Anyway, it is interesting to read this book again as the matter of fact is, I never exactly finished reading this book back then or any time during these 7 years. Oopss… Hahaha...

I should think that my primary love language is quality time, though I cannot discern my secondary love language at this point in time... Sorry ah, my brain is pretty fuzzy recently, think it is on a holiday (??), so I think I am pretty retarded in my thinking…

So what is your love language? Your loved ones?? Interested to read more about the various love languages? Visit here.

B&W or Coloured?

So does the B&W communicate more?

Or it is the coloured one that is always more outstanding?

Which one do you prefer?

When I was young...

When I was young, I was pretty independent as my parent would leave me alone. Perhaps more correctly put, I had made it in such a way that my parents would pay more attention to my 2 younger brothers.

My 2 brothers and I were 3 years apart from one another (nice coincidence huh to be so well spaced out!). I still remembered vividly a conversation that I had with myself at a very tender age. I somehow had reached a conclusion then that I ought to give my parents minimum trouble as it was tough on them having to handle 3 of us, and my brothers, being younger, would certainly need more of their attention and time… So there I was, going to Kindergarten myself, figuring my way around in Primary, and struggling with growing up in Secondary.. Think I must have done well, since my record of teachers complaining to my parents was clean and my parents never did need to worry about my school work, exams or things like that. I’m not saying that I was a model student or I was darn good in studies or things like that, just that it was good enough not to create any problem.

So yes, I think my purpose was achieved – I was never a cause of worry for my parents during those years, and they do focus on my 2 brothers, giving them more attention and fussing over them. The funny thing was I was never jealous of my brothers even though I was “neglected”. I just somehow felt that it is only right since my brothers were much younger and thus would certainly be more reliant on my parents…

Yet again, though I never really ask for much love and attention, it doesn’t mean that I do not want it. There were countless occasions that I was lost and scared, wanting just some assurance and guidance, and there were many times that I just simply yearned for more attention, time and love. Still, I never overtly demanded for it - I know that I need to be mature about it. However, the brain and heart, as usual did not quite align with each other at times, thus they ended up fighting with each other though eventually all did go well…

The me today… perhaps is still very much like how I was when I was young. Many a time, my shouts for support can be subtle; my desires for certain people’s attention are still kept within; my tendency to handle matters myself is automatic…

So, it went back a long way in history… reflection suddenly brought up the connection, letting me trace back the roots…

Record Breaking

Great, I broke my own record. I am still in office now... at 9.20pm...

#*&@*(#^*@)!&#*#*&@^

My dream yesterday

Yes, I need to talk about dreams again... (Blame it on my brain for being so active during the night, k!) I dislike dreams that are intensified; or rather I do not like dreams which my emotions are very intense.

And yes, I had such a dream yesterday... It seemed like I had never exactly slept.

Yes, the dream was not rational at all, piecemeal by itself, with different lead actors and actresses in different scenes, yet it had flowed smoothly into one long episode.

This dream… had magnified or brought out certain (suppressed?!) emotions. Or it is my thoughts, conscious and subconscious, that had manifested in the dream itself? **shrugged** No, it wasn’t exactly a bad dream. It is just that the experience of my own emotions was so vivid that it seemed real.

Curiosity, bewilderment, eagerness, concern, affection, embarrassment, sadness, self-reproach, foolishness, responsibility... were all intertwined tightly in this dream of mine. And the issue is, these emotions still lingered strongly when I opened my eyes for the day this morning...

Know that dreams are just dreams, and they are not real. They are, at times, also very senseless though not groundless... However, as the experience of the dream still lingered in my mind, it had somehow affected my general mood today. Yet again, it is not like my mood is foul.... just that perhaps I am set into a thinking mode. Think it matters a bit more too because I had dreamt of some people who are important to me in some ways or another...

My Favourite Corner...

My favourite corner in the house...

The bedroom...

I have placed a hi-fi system with surround sound in it recently... and I never look back.

The bed is my addiction. Big, soft and ultra-comfy, it simply wraps me around whenever I laze and relax on top of it.

The music that often fills the room is my antidote. Soothing and invigorating, every moment is an indulgence as my emotions swing in ryhthm with each song played on air.

The book in my hand is my entertainment. Insightful and enriching, it always re-grounds me back to basics, reminding me of pointers that I may have oversighted.

Lying in bed reading a great book while listening to the music... these are the moments that I simply love...

My bedroom, a getaway itself ... a hideout from the crazy world out there...

Moments of laughter, tears, fun, craziness and deep thoughts, I have them all there... Sense & sensibility, vulnerability & openness... you catch a glimpse of those in the same space too...

There you have it... my favourite corner in the house...

Questions and Thoughts

What if a couple behaves more than like best of friends rather than lovers? I.e. the relationship of the couple has evolved in such a way that both are very comfortable with each other, know each other inside out, and can accept each other's flaws well... The only shame is that there is no more passion or the boy-girl love in this whole relationship. Is this usual? Is this how a relationship may evolve to? Is this acceptable? If both can be best of friends, two can certainly live together and with each other, isn't it?

On the other hand, if it is not acceptable and not right, then how? Great lovers can be best of friends at the same time; yet, the reverse may not be true - you can be best of friends without any other intimate feelings involved. The line may be thin though. So, when such a stage is reached, can the passion be rekindled? Can the relationship be different? How can it be different when the feeling is no longer there? Familiarity may breed complacency or worse still, contempt.

Expanding more along the same line, can you be responsible to something or someone without love? Some may say yes... But I got to agree with what B said - you cannot be just responsible without any love of any kind involved, otherwise, you will start to resent what you are doing. It is only a matter of time that you get sick of yourself sticking around in anything just out of responsibility. How long can you do that? Perhaps some people last it out longer... but there is always a limit to how long and how much you can be responsible. Simply put, there will be an end point to all these.

Yet, if you are responsible out of love, then that it is a different story. You do it because you love. Of course, as time goes by, the love may become obscured by responsibility. Yet, looking at it hard and deep enough, you may unravel the reasons of love all over again. Guess it is all about being grounded all over again after many ups and downs and looking beyond what is presented?

NDP @ Marina Bay 2007

NDP @ Marina Bay 2007 was totally an extravaganza. The signage to the NDP entry points were found at various points in Marine Square Mall itself, and the entry to the NDP area was a breeze - it was quick and less chaotic than previous years. The only hiccup perhaps was the slight chaos at the collection points for the fun packs. Nevertheless, I was really excited about this year NDP even days before... As I walked towards the gallery, I was like a little kid, excited at the fact I could be at a brand new location to view the NDP and celebrate the nation’s birthday.

I was at the seating gallery at about 345pm, and the whole place was already bustling with the performers and the early birds who were there to grab the best seats. The weather was kinder this year - not as hot as the the year when I was at Padang. But of course, being more experienced, we brought caps and umbrella this time round!

The 1h long pre-parade concert was entertaining. Of course, the NDP was really a treat with the spectacular performances putted up by the various groups. My favourite was the dynamic defence display where the performers had fully utilised all the elements of skies, water and land within and around the performing stage that we were in total awe of the intense actions packed in this particular performance, so much so that we did not know where we should focus our attention!

I love the mystical concept of this year parade, as well as this year theme of “Celebrate Singapore: City of Possibilities” which reflects optimism and pride as Singaporeans from all walks of life come together to celebrate the nation’s 42nd birthday. The organising party had blended this concept of possibilities very well in this year’s NDP. The largest floating performance stage had certainly enabled many innovative ways of performance, surprising the audience time and time again.

Of course, I still love the fireworks as ever...

Time certainly flied past... before I knew it, the parade ended... Can I go for the next year one as well?

Some of the pictures taken…

The floating stage and the crowd before the NDP

The stickers found in the fun pack


The "lighted" Jellyfishes


The colourful finale

Friday Lunch

How does having a banana, a cranberry scone and a raspberry blackcurrant drink for lunch sound? Well, I just had those just now... Ok, correction, I had the banana in office first... Haha... I had lunch with a friend at one of my favourite lunch place, favourite not because of the great food the cafe has to offer, but it is the location itself. It was a quiet place, away from the bustling lunch crowd around the Shenton area...

Sitting outside Starbucks, facing the sea and Esplanade, the lunch was a simple, yet pretty relaxing one. Surprisely, it was coolingly windy even though the sun seems to be scorching hot... I like it there cos it is generally quiet with very little crowd during lunch hour, and I can have the sea and the sun as company. It is a good place to chill out for an afternoon, and get away from work for awhile...

I am in a quiet mood today. Not quiet quiet, but just that I am not like that noisy and such a nuisance...I think I can keep my mouth shut whole day long if no one talks to me... It is one of those moods - not feeling blue, not feeling frustrated or tight yet not like feeling darn high or great... hahaha.. It is just hard to describe.. Think quiet is the only word I can find to describe. Pardon me, I got limited vocabulary la… I don’t study hard enough when I was young…

And thanks goodness, today is Friday.. Weekend is here…

NDP tomorrow

Yes, tomorrow is NDP 2007, and yippee, I got a pair of tickets to go for it!! Ya,for once, lady luck is shining on me.. Or rather, it was my mom who had the luck, since it was my mom's NRIC that got picked by the system. Almost half a million balloted for the tickets wor!

I was NDP 2005 before at Padang too. Well, if I can only use a word to describe it, then it is "fun". It was indeed a different experience to be present at the stadium itself. The process of getting from the MRT station to Padang was a nightmare and waiting to go in to be seated was torturous... Oh yes, the waiting for the parade to start was hell with 2+h under the scorching sun, and yet I dared not drink alot of water , cos the toilet was far, and I was right in the middle of a row - to make my way out of the squeezy row was already a challenge itself. Yup, I was grumbling that I never ever want to be at another NDP ever again... Well, I need to swallow back all my words, cos when the parade was over, I was like "Gosh, this is fun! I want to come next year!" Hahaha..

So I am eager to see how this year NDP will be like, since it is first time at Marina Bay on a world largest floating stage... And only 27 000 can be present at the actual show … :)

Oh yes, there are fireworks celebrations on 17-18 Aug, 9pm at Marina Bay too... If you love fireworks, be there... They are always so breathtaking... if not for the crowd...

This Sun Night...

On a Sunday evening like this, I have the privilege to have the house to myself... The night is especially breezy, certainly making my mood calmer and better.

I love having the whole house to myself. I can fill the whole house with the music I love, making it as surround sound as possible... and I can simply hide in any corner that I fancy reading a book, lazing, daydreaming, thinking through things or simply just to curl up and drift off to sleep. It is a time where there is solitude; where I get some time to be with myself, to indulge in such moments...

It had been a long week last week. It was like an unimaginable roller coaster ride. First, there were hopes, then edginess, then excitement, then frustration, anger, disappointment, fear, sadness... Was it just a week or was I confused - it had been longer than I thought?

I am always aware that there are 2 sides to the same coin. I can be an optimist or a downright pessimist – the choice is mine. In an experience, even horrendous ones, there is always something, perhaps a lot, to learn from it too. Yet, I do not wish to be caught up in “idealistic denial”, to be trapped by own idealistic tendencies, which don’t leave much room for the existence of the imperfect, and thus denying reality. And many a time, I'm really battered inside to drag my feet forward for another step... Yet, there are always some people whom stick so close to me, giving me lotsa support, love and encouragement to make this journey so much better.

Anyway, someone dear to me showed me these few lines very recently:

Sometimes what we are looking for comes knocking on our door.
Sometimes it is right around the corner from where we’ve stopped, sure that we are lost and will never find it.
Sometimes it’s waiting for us to look up from our old map long enough to see that there, not so far away, is something wonderful that we couldn’t even have imagined existed.

Thank you, dearie for the reminder, and that I was the one who had highlighted these few lines to you quite some time back. Coincidentally, I saw these few lines again just now in the book that I have started re-flipping.

Anyway, it is “Home Run” show time for me now...

Twinklet Jolie

The more you desire something, the more it may elude you. The more you try to be oblivious to things, the more you may just observe. Such ironies, isn’t it? *Sigh*

Anyway, I bought something for myself today. I saw it during lunch today and this shop was having a 30% discount for all the items of that range. I do not know why, but somehow they make my heart tinkle the first time I set sight on them... Perhaps it is because they are really colourful and cute...

By coincidence, I was back at the same shopping mall this evening. I was wandering aimlessly, walking in and out of shops for awhile, when suddenly the thought of buying it came to my mind again, and I spent awhile wrestling with myself if I should get it for myself… Haha… Yes, it is something pretty useless though it is not expensive. The best part is I could spend such a long time thinking whether I should get it for myself or not. :-O

Yup, I bought the mobile charm of Twinklet Jolie. Yes, this small little mobile charm brought a smile to my face... Yes yes, please pardon me!! I know I can be, at times, such a kid – into such childish stuff, and little and simple things like this can make me delighted already...

And yes, me being me again… + perhaps I am too free… So I went to surf the net for them to discover that there is a story about them one! Haha... Here is part of the extract:

“The Twinklets: J.J, Jolie, Jasper and Jaz came from a crystal land...... Together, the Twinklets form a colourful but a happy group. Those who meet them can’t help but smile. Given their big, crystal eyes, the Twinklets can see very clearly. They know that life is better and simpler when there is openness and nothing to hide...”

And about Jolie: “She is a born princess and is all about pink. She is J.J’s little sister and loves to be at the center of attention. Sometimes, she can be a bit of a know-it-all, but she is very popular and a real party girl.”

Can’t take a clear shot of Jolie as she is pretty small in size. But I managed to get the figurine jpg of her online... So here she is...

I am never exactly into pink, but well.. she is so pinkishly cute... :P

My Sunday

I was at NUH in the afternoon to visit a friend whose index finger got crushed by the forklift. Fortunately, he was fine, just that he needs time to let his badly crushed finger get well. Think his finger would not be as nimble as before, but well, personally I think he is already blessed that the forklift did not get him hurt in more serious ways.

And oh yes, I got a few good buys today! As I was near Queensway shopping centre, thus I decided to make a trip down there to see if I can get my Crocs slippers. Yes, I suddenly decided 2 days ago that I want a pair of Crocs. Since they are known for comfort, and I am always out in slippers most of the time when I am not at work, I supposed they are worth the buy. Furthermore, I could wear this pair waterproof slippers for my holidays and diving… One pair of shoes to walk round the world. Haha.

Here is my new pair of Crocs slippers. I like the green colour.. keke..



Taking the chance that I was already at Queensway, I browsed through the sports shops for my Saucony MC Stabil running shoes, since the pair that I have is pretty worn out at the soles. As usual, it is not easy to find this brand, not to say the women model. Finally, I saw a familiar shoe at this corner shop, and yes, it is MC Stabil 5! However, the shop owner said that MC Stabil 6 will only be here later. :( Yet, surprises are always at unexpected corners cos he pointed to another pair of shoes and said that that pair is better. On closer inspection, I realised it was Mizuno Alchemy 7!! Gosh, I was pleasantly surprised as I did have a fruitless time trying to find Alchemy 5 a year+ ago.

So yes, I bought Alchemy 7 to see how they compare with my Saucony... Here are my new pair of shoes.

I did my virgin run around my new estate in my new shoes too. Hmm, think Alchemy 7 shoes are not as well-cushioned as MC Stabil 5, though lighter. Well, I need to go for a longer distance to see if they provide good stability to my severely over-pronated feet. Nevertheless, the run was good - new route, new experience… Not to say I have laid off running for quite awhile except the times when I was meddling with the gym treadmill. The moon was full, unblocked and pretty again. Having her as a companion adds mood to the run… :)

徐怀钰《心中的遗憾》

I recently fell in love with this song by Yuki Xu Huai Yu《心中的遗憾》。This is Yuki’s debut song after being out of action for a really long while. It is a song that paints a very vivid story, and I have yet to get sick of this song even though it can be on a repeated play mode at times for the past 4 weeks at least. This song is very well received in the local Chinese radio stations too…

I like this phrase especially:

“两颗心交会的时候
一分钟就足够
够我一辈子想念很久”

“When two hearts connect, one minute is enough for me to reminisce for a lifetime...”

Here is the MV…

14072007

This is a super late post. But well, I finally got the time to write a bit more…

Yes, 14072007 is finally over. It was a huge relief... as in it was a tiring affair to get such a big event going from ground zero. Coupled with the house, it was a complete total nightmare with many nights of little sleep and lotsa running around to make sure things are handled.

The day started very early at 4am. I was up by then, having a min sleep of only 2h. My sister entourage was there with me at 5am. Guess most of them were like half awake when they arrived... But I figured they did have great fun over sabotaging the guys.. haha..

The evening solemnisation started at 610+pm. The ferry walk-in was a fresh idea to me. The ride was short, just 5min, but I certainly felt at home the moment I was out at the sea. It was a very touching moment for me when I saw so many familiar faces standing around as I walked down from the boat to the gazebo. And yes, the moment I said "I do" and signing on the paper, the feelings were very mixed. Yet, it was over even before the feeling sank in. The sunset at 6+pm was romantic at RM, a sight with all the yachts, sea, blue sky and greenery. (Yes yes, I do love sunsets. Haha...) With the beautiful scenery as the backdrop, we spent some time taking photos with all the friends who had made the effort to be there early to witness our ceremony.

The night outdoor dinner... there were some hitches here and there like my dress zip was spoilt, relatives turned up to be more etc etc... Yet, I had totally surrendered for that night - no panicking, getting flustered or frustrated. In fact, I knew I was in good hands of many. So quoting, my job is to look pretty... haha.. The entourage walk-in was fun though it was a stretch for some of them. *Devilish laughter* But actually it is not a sabotage for them; to us, it is part of acknowledgement to them. The 'declaration' planned by B.B really took me by surprise. It never crossed my mind that he would go and think of things like that to say to me. Creative in a funny way, and yet, he could be so sweet. Being blurred, he lost his slip of paper that he has prepared, but I think that made what he got to say even closer to the heart.

The night was perfect - nice windy weather, good food, casual and relaxed atmosphere, great music with lotsa mingling. I love the band’s singing, though after the first 2 songs, I got no time to pay any more attention to them. I felt really blessed for the excellent weather that night, taking into consideration that it had rained on all other weekends in Jul. If it had rained, the consequences would be unthinkable as there was no backup plan at all!

It was finally something different too cos I am often pretty bored when I am seated down at a wedding dinner in a confined space... I do not know if others had such a great night for their own day, but personally, I had lotsa fun that night, and enjoyed myself thoroughly. The only regret is that we both did not have enough time to go around separately spending at least a few min with the guests at each table.

Furthermore, we had put in a lot of effort in handling all the big things like the food menu, flow of the day and the live band to the small details like the wedding favours & cards, table labels, guest cards, flowers deco etc, the satisfaction was great when the whole event went nicely as planned. However, I gotta attribute the whole day success to our coordinator and friends' gang who were there to 'weather' all hiccups and ensure that all was fine. I know it would never be such a great bang if not for them. And of course, how can I forget the fun-loving bunch of friends who were there, making the day even better than ever…? It is always the people around that made a day, an event, a place or a moment special.

Certainly, 140707 is a day which I would have a lot of fond memories of.