Long Weekend

Yes, I am finally making the first trip overseas this year. Going diving over this long weekend...

It has been awhile since I last dived... I wonder if I still know how to dive or not. :-P

Have not felt the excitement of going. The feeling is not sinking in as of yet. The long bus journey is going to make my bum hurt, and have me dehydrated because I cannot drink as much water as I could normally.

But perhaps the sun, the sea and the breeze may do me some good.... Perhaps the fishes can give me some inspirations too… though I dare not think about the price that I need to pay thereafter for sacrificing this long weekend for fun and holiday instead of doing things.

Nevertheless...

Lang Tengah, here I come....

More...

It is like drug
The more you have it
The more you want it
The more you crave for it

Yes, more doesn’t mean better
That is undisputable
But how much is more?
How much is enough?
How much is overdose?

Especially when it has already becomes…
An addiction…

Recently...

One word: Stressed.

This word is a spirit, unwilling to leave me alone, haunting me more often nowadays.

Seems like so many things on my plate. More than I can chew.

Is it about the things that I have on hand or is it more about the space that I am in?

Antidote for me, anyone?

“This shall pass”…

*raised eyebrows*

How Did I Get Here?

I have been eyeing this book “How Did I Get Here?” by Barbara DeAngelis for quite awhile. I stumbled across this book in MPH when I was doing my usual browsing. Yet, I didn’t buy the book back then as the 2 books there were in a bad condition, and I could not seem to find it in another branch subsequently…

However, my friend managed to get it for me in Borders with a 30% off. Thank you, friend! :)

I am very sure this will be an interesting book for me…

Something in this book caught my attention first… and then I am drawn to this piece of writing in it. It seems so apt...

The Real Me

Sometimes I love being with people.
Sometimes I flee from company and can bear only silence.

Sometimes I am sure people see my gifts, my wisdom and my light.
Sometimes I think people have no clue who I really am.

Sometimes I will forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive
no matter what someone does to me.
Sometimes a line is crossed, and I close the door.

Sometimes I am the ancient goddess with the power of the universe flowing through me.
Sometimes I am an insecure, wounded little girl afraid to make a phone call.

Sometimes I have infinite patience and compassion for everyone’s choices.
Sometimes how people live and behave makes me ill.

Sometimes I see the perfection of the life and purposefulness in everyone and everything.
Sometimes I think the world is just a screwed-up place.

Sometimes I want to serve the planet with every waking breath that I take.
Sometimes I want to cash in my retirement account and go live on a tiny tropical island where I have no responsibilities, no commitments and no purpose other than enjoy each glorious day.

Yes...it's so...

A peek-a-boo game
Rules with fame
Yet not so tamed

At times, it is trampled
Breaking into crumbles
Only to triumph later

Other times, it storms wild
Making it such a trial
To run it mild

When it is wilful
Breaths it robs clean
Sanity it flings

Yes, it… is unfathomable
This feeling of Missing You…

Speaking aloud...

One of those days
Where reins are useless
Fences are redundant

Untamable exploration
Wild surge of exploitation

Emotions, where are you heading?

“Open up your heart”
A voice speaks out loud…

“Vulnerability, when did I last see you?
Let’s hide no more…

Let your reflection shows
Who you really are…”

Jaded...

Think I am catching up with age. If not, why am I listening so much to some 80's and 90's English songs recently? If I am not getting old, how can I associate myself with these songs? ... Or is it influence... by others?

This is an apparent sign of getting jaded huh? I am getting comfortable with these familiar songs that were once hits... It is just like how I may get easy with my usual comfort zone.

No wonder people use this "stick in a mud" - as one ages, one gets more entrenched in own mud, and become less receptive to new ideas...

*Sigh*

Honest feedback

I can get pretty pissed when people cite references or quotations from some people, books, or religious sources and use them in ways that do not quite serve them. They simply use references to justify their actions, who they are, and how things are or should be. In another word, their actions are not forward moving.

Perhaps I am ignorant. I do not know what should be and should not be, who say this and who state that. All I know is certain ways may be better; certain actions may propel you to a higher ground or get you to where you want to be faster. We all have different interpretations of words, quotes and statements, which I gladly accept. It is just that some people just blindly, conveniently or literally take them without deep probing, understanding, and looking beyond what is stated. Worse, they apply them wrongly in their lives.

I do not appreciate it too when people can reject chances for themselves to take a closer look about themselves, and see how they can be out of their usual automatics and get out their usual box to try something new and reach for a greater height in their life. They are unwilling to put in effort and hard work, and yet they expect that results will just happen. Isn't that an unreasonable expectation?

"You can never force a horse to drink if it does not want to." Yes, I come a long way to accept that. I used to get very upset if I cannot get someone to shift. But now, I do understand there is no way I can support someone who is unwilling to support oneself. It is energy expending when you try too hard to make someone see possibilities or to open up. I learnt, after many incidents, that my efforts can be better used in other areas or other people. Perhaps you can say that I have given up…

Of course, I am not trying to be offensive here, neither am I saying that my life is perfect now, or that I know a lot. In fact, there are full of ups and downs which I am learning how to handle better. I am definitely pretty ignorant about many aspects of life too, thus I try to be open to learning. No doubt, I can be pretty righteous about my thinking and actions many a time. I have a questioning mind too which many people may find it difficult to handle all my bombardment. However, questioning is for me to get clear… Well, at least, I am willing to be coached…

And please do not give me quotes from whatever sources to justify your actions and thoughts. Do not abuse them… They are innocent.