Close Friends...

Went for dinner with my sweet friend yesterday night. It was a good dinner indeed… Thank you, my friend, for making time to have dinner with me…

We touched on the topic of friends yesterday, and I was telling her that I am getting weary from trying to figure out what is going on for a friend. We went on further to explore the definition of “close” means as it differs from person to person.

Guess she is indeed right - I have my expectations of what a close relationship looks like.

To me, close means trust, openness, communication, authenticity and understanding:

Without trust, how can we build a stronger relationship?

Without openness, how can we know what is going on in each other’s life?

Without communication, how can we understand each other better?

Without authenticity, how do I know you mean what you say and vice versa?

Without understanding, how can we empathize and be supportive to each other?

It doesn’t mean 2 will agree on almost everything and anything. In fact, it may not be at all - one can offer a totally different point of view and yet be supportive anyway.

Perhaps I am asking too much? Or these are just the basic building blocks?

I do suppose 2 persons will drift apart and the bonding will fade when each other’s visions and expectations are misaligned in a relationship. This is also why we cannot be close to everyone and anyone. It takes 2 hands to clap to make the bonding stronger and the relationship closer over time.

To me, it is never about who is giving or taking more in a relationship. I think that cannot be measured as we all show our love in our own ways…

Just for a handful of people who have a special place in my heart, I am certainly more than willing to go the extra mile for them, to adjust and adapt to their styles and try to be there for them. The reason is simple - because You matter. Period. Yet, sometimes this journey can get very tedious…especially when there is so much withholding from the other person.

Sidetracking a little, my friend said this “ Loving a person for who he is, isn’t easy. Cos if you know a person well enough, it’s either way to give in, to lower expectation or the other party to fulfill the expectations. Who make the move depend on who is willing to change.”

Can I offer a different point of view to that? Loving someone doesn’t mean you blindly agree and support everything he is doing, as he may be slightly off track now. By allowing him to be where he is now, are you supporting him to grow? A person never changes, but he can slowly shift... Accepting will mean lower the bar for that person? You may be able to see so much power in him, yet he cannot see it for now. Do you let him be? Is that called loving and supporting him? Or you should try all means to support him so that he can be out there to soar to higher skies? You need to put in effort, in fact more effort to support the person to shift and excel rather than to just accept…

I guess for that, the bottom line is the space that you are coming from - for him or for yourself…