Missing in Action

Will be missing in action for this whole week till next sun. Going to soak myself in Balinese culture for these 9 days. Hope I will get to see my mola mola and my mantra rays .... Brain will be taking a holiday too. Would not filter whatever that comes into my mind there and then...

May be missing your presence...Maybe... Dunno... hee hee... Do not think I will be much missed though... Haha....

Till then, folks!

:)

Together...

Do not walk in front of me
For I fear I may not keep up
Do not walk behind me
For I fear I may not lead
Just walk beside me
Be together with me
On this journey of life

Giving...

Wun it be sad if

What you want I cannot give
What I can give is not what you want

Then what is next?

Love...

Love is such a simple word
Yet so complex in nature
A deep ineffable feeling shared between two
Full of tender affection
Coupled with intense attraction

She pops into your mind
At any moment
Unwittingly and unknowingly
Catching you off guard
You start to miss her presence
Her voice, her sweetness
Even though you have met just moments ago

You wish she is the first
To share your happiness and joy
You wish she is there to hear you out
When you are feeling low and under
You wish she is just round the corner
When you think of her
You wish she is by your side
To share your experiences and every moment
You wish you can create dreams with her
And turning them into reality hand in hand

Yes, you are in love…

Yet understanding after love
And staying in love after falling in love
Is a journey by itself
Much effort is needed
To establish common grounds
With acceptance of each other’s differences
Communication is the key to each other’s heart

Time passes
People grow, expectations change
Keeping in pace with each other is necessary
Otherwise love can change and fade
All may be too late by then…

Cherish what you have today
Though tomorrow may be different
Let your loved one know you love her
It may take just a very simple act on your part
To keep the fire burning...

Stomach Flu

I am down with gastroenteritis or in layman term, stomach flu today. The pain around the stomach is so intense at times that I could just curl up and moan in pain, not to mention that I am having diarrhoea and feeling nauseous as well.

Do not know exactly why and how I got it, but my stomach started to be bloated late last night before I fell asleep. I also woke up near dawn feeling totally uncomfortable and was unable to go back to sleep.

Thought I would just be fine by the time I got to work. But I was weaker than I thought cos the bouts of pains got to me every now and then that I was struggling big time during my whole journey to work and at work.

Ended up seeing a doctor, came back home, took medicine and had slept at least 3 hours just now . However, the pain attacks got to me even when I was sleeping. Gosh…

Hope that I will get well from this real soon. I am flying to Bali for holiday this Friday evening, and I do not want to be a sick cat when I am supposed to enjoy myself.

Hmm, by the way, with the state that I am in, can I still do jogging or not? Ha ha...

A Terrible Week

It had been a week of anguish for me. Tiredness and stress engulfed the whole of me. I had never dreaded and resented a week as much as I did this time round. Last Friday to Sunday was my company big scale roadshow event, and my team had spent the whole week trying to get all the logistics in place so that it could run smoothly with minimum hiccups. Nightmare is too mild a word to describe how it was in this instance.

Other than this, I guess I had upset my entire timetable as well. I did not rest and sleep well for the past 2 weeks for whatever and many a reason, and I missed my usual routine of jogging, swimming and exercises too. Perhaps the lack of endorphins drove me crazy, so much so that my mind was clouded, and my brain was definitely much retarded.

Yet, I am glad to have some friends around who made the week better for me in one way or another. I appreciate all the warm gestures, be it a box of sweets to cheer me up, or a simple sms to ask how I am, or taking some precious time off your usual routine to be with me...

Nevertheless, the tormenting week is finally over. Now it is a brand new week for a brand new start. This week is definitely going to be better…I am going to make it to be.

I have resumed my jogging last night. Let’s hope that is a sign that everything will be back to normal for me…

Happy Birthday, R...

Brain is really malfunctioning these few days. Have been doing things that I should not, and it seems like my brain is slower and not thinking straight. Perhaps it is due to lack of sleep...

Anyway, it was a friend's birthday yesterday. This is a friend who has been with me for the past 3 years. Seems like very short a friendship, isn't it? Well, this is the man who has seen me in my best and my worst. Together with a bunch of great people, he stepped into my life back then when I was at a crossroad, lost and was searching desperately for an answer. Of course, some of them leave, some of us drift apart, but he and I are still great buddies.

He is there with a listening ear and shoulder when I am down and upset; he is there to celebrate my wins and share my victories. He is someone who reminds me of my strengths and merits when I somewhat forget; he is there to offer different points of views when I am stuck in my own beliefs; he is someone who sees me bigger than I see myself; he has more confidence and faith in me than I have in myself.

He is one of the few friends that I have given a very tough time. I am not exactly nice to him in many instances - niceness may not serve. I whack him for things that he screws up, or for things that he refuses to see and shift. I get impatient with him somewhat sometimes, and am straight in his face in my feedbacks to him. For the person he is, I do have higher expectations on him than others. But gosh, he can be one hell of a stubborn person who simply refuses to shift and move his butts!

It has been a journey with him - the ups and downs, the good and bad, and thus we have established certain unspoken understandings for each other. We know that we have the permission to give honest feedbacks and whack each other, and tat is for the good for the other person, nothing else.

This friend of mine is definitely a loyal friend to have. I know that he will always be around for me, and will not walk out of me even if I am down and under today. I thank him for his steady love for me, and all that he has done for me these few years. I am someone not good with words - I do not vocalize a lot of my feelings or mushy stuff. But I do appreciate all that he is and has been for me.

My Loves

I love rainy days
They make me relaxed
They make me lazy
Such coziness and indulgence

I love cold weather
The idea of snuggling under a blanket
Sharing a cup of hot cocoa trills me
It seems so ... heartwarming

I love late nights
Serenity fills the space
Thoughts can flow freely
Speeches unrestricted

I love the stars
They represent hopes
Twinkling brightly in the night
So pretty they are

I love the sea
So vast it seems
Making my problems
And my existence so small
That nothing seems unsolvable

I love the sun
It makes me feel cheery
The brightness of the sunrays
Shone through my face
Warming the frail heart of mine

I love you too
With you in my life
Makes my everyday
So much better
In all little ways
That you may not even realise

Love it all...

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone. Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people. Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run. No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way. You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle. Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings. A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning. You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Thoughts...

If u are meant as a passing cloud
Be seen and not within reach
Then let me admire you from afar
To see your ever changing forms
Indulge in imagining what you are
And what you can be

Do not come too close
For I fear I want more
Expectations may set in
And just spoilt it all

For love is not about owning it
Not about holding on
Not about expectations
Not about fulfilling my own needs

But human being I am
It is sometimes hard
To be very conscious of that
And make a moment-to-moment choice

When time passes
Tides change
People come and go
You may just still be in my mind
Longer than u know
The heart is a funny tool
Yet to be fully understood

Do not know you are here
For a reason a season
Or a lifetime
Do not know
What the future holds too
But I do thank you
For being a part of my life now

Met up

It has been a long time since I have met up with you. Finally, I did.

Saw you waiting for me in your dad's lorry at my block car park. You are still the same. You wore that already faded red T-shirt that your sister bought for you about 6 years back. Your grin is still there, thought there are signs of weariness.

Finally passed you the thing I bought for you some very long long time ago.

We had the same issue again - waiting for each other to decide where to go. In the end, you made the call - West Coast Park.

Landed up in West Coast Park MacDonald for a drink and bites. Went on to find out how each other has been doing recently. Had conversations of almost everything under the sun that came to our mind.

…. Seems like we are talking… but are we really interacting and communicating? Are we holding back a lot? …

The drizzle stopped, the sun was out, and I suggested a walk in the park for the fresh air. Gosh, I never knew that West Coast Park is bustling with activities and people on a Sunday afternoon. I am seldom there during daytime anyway. Nevertheless, it was just a slow stroll aimlessly, chit chatting as we walked.... The weather is forever unpredictable, cos we were halfway on the walking track when we felt the raindrops again. We quickened our paces and ended up in Mac again. Took cappuccino this time round.

.... Was just talking about you on Sat that you are one hell of a person who does make a lot of things easy. You are always sure of yourself, and how you want to do things or achieve your goals. You make all decisions seem simple and straightforward. I also realised that my wits is very much trained by you. You are too quick, and it is rare that someone can beat you in a conversation. I am never your par in this area....

It seemed like the rain this time round was not going to stop anytime soon. So you decided to go get the lorry while letting me wait under the shade… Still ever sweet and thoughtful of you… Passing over your hp and wallet, you went to your vehicle. Looking at your stuff in my hands, I suddenly realised that you are still using the wallet that I had bought for you like 5 years back. You had never bothered to change that. Looking at it brought back memories...

Dropped me off at my block and just a "Bye, see you soon." ended our coffee session.

.... Such familiarity, yet such distance too...

Set my mind to get you a new wallet when your birthday is here this year. It is just a day before mine anyway.

Swayed.... n Bluez...

It is Tue, and I am getting bluer.

What seemingly to be a relatively easy decision now seems harder... The people around me make it more confusing for me. They may talk to me and give different points of views. At the same time, I know my stand is not firm to start off with because these are exactly the considerations that held me back from a clear-cut decision in the first place. (So rightfully, I am the one making it hard for myself, not others…)

I hate it when I am in a state like this - neither here nor there.

When the heart and mind doesn't seem to be in sync, problems are self-created. The balancing scale comes into play, and I try to weigh the pros and cons, dos and don’ts, rights and wrongs etc…. I also end up trying very hard to rationalize, anticipate, predict and whatsoever that comes to mind... To make it worse, when a decision is clouded by all different voices, I also lost track of what is true for myself already. Perhaps it is the risk involved; perhaps it is the unknown that is frightening.

So what should I do? I am still searching…

*Bluez*

A Gift on a Mon Morning

Stepped in office this morning to find something on my table. It was a gift...

Opening it, I saw a card with hand written words of the essence " Always aim for the sky, for if you fail, at least you can reach the clouds." Together with that, there was a photo taken at the highest spot in Cameron Highland.

Was actually getting a bit more emotional this morn. Not exactly thinking of much things, but somehow feelings are just running on their own. Perhaps it is just the Monday morning kind of blues... And this sweet little gift caught me by surprise so much so that tears started swelling in my eyes for that moment... I was touched, in fact, very touched somehow. Acts of encouragements came at a time when I had least expected it...Such girlish kind of feelings, isn't it? Haha...

Nevertheless, I thank her for being so sweet and thoughtful always. Though our friendship has started just not too long ago, she has already made a difference in my life... I am full of appreciation and gratitude for this god-sent gift.

Rotten Day

Today mood is not pretty. Lotsa frustations at work although I can still go around smiling at other people. Yet hor, I also went around screwing alot of people who gave me rubbish today... Think they would hate me for it; they would think that I am nasty; they would think that I am a super darn bitch; they may do anything just to get back to me. But well, when I am sooo irritated and short tempered already, I really can't be bothered anymore. And anyway, as if I am going to stay here for long.

Haiz.... What a day...

"The Why You Are Here Cafe"

Finished reading this book " The Why You Are Here Cafe" by John P.Strelecky. It is on loan to me by my colleague. It is a very thin book of 120 odd pages, and is very easy to read. The story was about a man called John who got lost on his way to a vacation and was running low on petrol. He finally found himself in a small cafe, the only establishment in a very remote area of nowhere. In this cafe, he was confronted with these 3 questions on the food menu:

Why Are You Here?
Do You Fear Death?
Are You fulfilled?

With the guidance from the cook, waitress and a patron, John went on a journey of self-discovery.

This is a book that offers good food-for-thought and perhaps for some readers, it presents a whole new way to see themselves and the world around them.

There are a few insights/quotes which caught my attention. Decided to pen them down here, perhaps to serve as a reminder for myself.

" Why is it that we spend so much of our time preparing for when we can do what we want, instead of just doing what we want right now?"

" ...in life only you truly know what you want from your existence. Don't ever let things or people drive you to the point where you feel you no longer have control over your own destiny. Be active in choosing your path, or it will be chosen for you."

" Life is a great story. It is just that some people don't realise they are the author, and they can write it however they want."

"When you weighs two choices, and one is living a life that fulfills your Purpose For Existence, and the other is just living. You would think the decision is simple. It isn't... This is the place where most people end their journey. They peek through a hole in the fence, and can clearly see the life they would like to have, but for any number of reasons, they don't open the gate and walk into that life."

"You can't fear not having the chance to do something if you are doing it now or have already done it."

感想

在这金钱挂帅的社会里
我们不断地追求更多更好的物质享受
要豪华汽车，要大房子，要名牌
拼命地往上爬
只为了满足自己永无止境的欲望

在这繁华的花花都市里
诱惑也是如此的多啊
让我们一不小心，很容易的，就迷失自己
掉入深渊，无法自拔

似乎富裕的我们
在不知不觉中
变得自我、自恋、自私
也因而变得更孤僻，更孤独
我们似乎忘了人与人之间该有的关怀
也少了一些温馨的感动
寂寞的心灵，是如此的空虚
犹如植物少了阳光与水份的滋润
渐渐地枯萎

这样真的好吗？
还是凡朴归真会让一切变得更简单
让你和我变得更快乐，也更懂得知足呢？

不妨停下忙碌的脚步
带着感激之心
沉醉在大自然的美景
享受一下简单的爱
珍惜身边的点点滴滴
感受你和我之间该有的亲切
也为身边的人，带来一些欢笑与喜悦

The Trip to Genting

Was over at Genting from Fri to Sun last weekend…

Just wanted to bring my mom for a short getaway for quite some time already. Finally (yes, finally is the word) I did. The only regret is that I did not manage to make it a whole family affair, cos my dad can't actually walk well and far, thus he gotta give this trip a miss. My youngest brother was left behind too to take care of him and the cats. So in the end, it was a company of 5 making the trip to Genting.

The trip wasn't one of those perfect holidays. You know, hiccups happened along the way.. I had exhibited impatience and intolerance a few times, especially with my mom during this trip. Realised that many a time, she simply refused to communicate what she wanted, and that frustrated me. I had to keep guessing whether she is hungry, tired, what she wants to do etc. I tried to take all these into considerations and anticipated her needs only to realise that she did not want or need it. The irony is her daughter, I, like a relationship that is simple - just let me know what you need, and I will try to make it happen if within my reasonable means. LOL.

Though this trip had its own minor hiccups, it was enjoyable all in all. I was Ms Piggy, gorging down lotsa sinful stuff at Genting. I simply can’t resist temptations of these kinds! Plus my bro din make it much easier – he is always talking about food! Other than spending a big chunk of our time on food, we went shopping, exploring, chilling out and simply enjoying the cool weather up there. We were at the outdoor Theme Park on the very first day, and my mom was having fun with some of the rides. Hahaha... My brother was the one who was scared hell out of his wits and gave the few scarier rides a miss!! *faint* … Sat was a rainy day though. The weather made the whole place foggy and cold, but we enjoyed the cable car journey down and up, especially my mom and bro. Of course, not forgetting that I did my hot coffee chill out on Sat night, savouring every moment of the beautiful night and cold weather.

The 2 and 1/2 days there passed really fast. Before we knew it, we were back to Singapore. This was a very short trip to a place that isn’t exactly exciting, exotic or interesting. However, I am glad it was made happen, cos all I wanted was to create some moments of togetherness, fun, and bonding with my family members…