Poor Mick!

Oh yes, I brought one of my cats to the vet today too. Mick had been drooling since yesterday and he could not eat or drink. I got worried about him, and decided to drive him to see a vet at noon just now.

Vet said Mick is having some problems with his jaws as he could not close that. Possibly, he got jaws dislocation due to the collar that got stuck in his mouth yesterday. However, he is badly dehydrated, thus he needs to be hospitalized today for drip. Thus he can only be put on GA tomorrow for x-rays of his mouth and operation, if necessary.

Ahh, my poor cat… Bet it must be really painful and torturous for him. Of course, I got to burn a hole in the pocket for him at the vet again... However, $ is not important, as long as he is fine.

... Animals are usually helpless when they are sick, as they are not like us who know how to verbalise our pains and seek help when necessary. Thus it is only right that we are to be responsible for their well-beings, isn't it?

Tombsweeping Day

I barely had a few hours of sleep today. Woke up at about 440am this morning to go Qing Ming. It is the first time that we all woke up so early to go down to our grandparents’ graves.

I am surprised to realize that at such early hour, the cemetery is no longer lonely. You can see a lot of cars' headlights in the usually quiet Lim Chu Kang. Many people have made an effort to do Qing Ming so early so as to avoid the traffic jam and the scorching sun.

It has been a family tradition for all of us to go tombsweeping every year during this period. The history stretched as far back as when I was in Pri 3… However, I realized only today that I had missed it last year due to holidaying in Aussie… Memory loss.. Haha.

I like the idea of going. It is a time that we all will make effort to go together though we will end up hot, sweaty and dirty... It is also a chance for us to pay respects to our grandparents, though my brothers and I had never seen them before…

However, waking at such early hour is of no fun. It usually only happened when I am going to participate in a run. So… preferably no such stretch in the next few years of Qing Ming… 8-P

Run + Dive

Have signed up for the JPMorgan Chase Corporate Challenge run of 5.6km with a few other colleagues. The run is on 3 May, 6pm @ Padang.

Decided to sign up before the CEO came and asked me why I did not, though I personally would rather go for a run of such distance myself than to be with so many people. Anyway, since I did, I just gotta treat it as a break from work.

Wanna make a short diving trip too... before I turn white, pink and green from all the overwhelming things that I got to do recently. Can I afford the time and $$? Perhaps not. But "100% is possible 100% of the time"? More time doesn't mean better? Hahaha... The intention may be so great that all other considerations can be handled along the way. The power of Intention... is never meant to be underestimated. <:o)

Again...

I kena sabotaged at work today again. An innocent comment turned into a hailstorm, just simply someone went to tell tales.

I hate being wronged for something that I did not do. There are also things that are not intentional too. How am I supposed to make myself clear in that?

Be it I do or not, say or zip, ask or ignore, stand or sit, left or right, I will still get the heat in the end.

Not like I purposely try to be funny from the start. Not that I didn’t try to make the situation better too. I know I should come from a responsible point of view. Coming from source, I know I have, in one way or another, contributed to the rift and all the events that happened. I acknowledged that, and I try hard to adjust, to adapt so that things will be easier for everyone. However, that doesn’t seem to give me the desired results. I would be gunned down for the smallest mistake I made.

I am tired. There is also a limit to how much I can take. Why should I be the one to keep putting effort into something that will lead me nowhere? And why should I keep swallowing down accusations? I cannot come to terms with that…

Let’s hope I can keep my head high enough till all these become history eventually.

Waiting

Do you like waiting?

Wait for something to happen.

Wait for someone to dictate or make the move.

At the 'command' of someone possibly.

Otucomes are not within your control and you dare not influence.

You have no right to demand or the capacity to ask.

All you can do is to be passive.

And accept what come may.

And pretend to be nonchalant about it.

Do you know what that feeling is like?

I have thrown my power away.

I must have been dumb to end up in this situation.

Oh, ironically, I like the song "Waiting" by BoA.

Sometimes When We Touch

“Sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much and I have to close my eyes and hide... "

Suddenly I am attached to this song again, for one reason or another... It has been played repeatedly today…

And I found this mtv, among all those uploaded in Youtube. This was one of the best, with scenes from Brokeback Mountain, aptly edited for this song. However, I just wonder whether the intimate moments of the 2 guys will put some people off or not. :P

Brokeback Mountain aside, this passionate song is to be enjoyed…

Sometimes When We Touch (Dan Hill)
You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

CHORUS:
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

CHORUS

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by
At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

CHORUS

Wanna Run Again

I feel like going for a run again.

I just did one yesterday night. The intention was so clear - I just wanted to run. I turned down the dinner with some friends at almost last minute just to make that happen. Nothing could stop me yesterday... (except for the weather, of course…)

Ya, perhaps I am getting a bit crazy. What's so great about a run anyway, right?

Perhaps I am addicted to it. Perhaps I need an avenue for release more often nowadays. Perhaps I simply just want to run away from some things, from some people, from ...

Whenever I feel bottled up, stressed, or down, I just feel like running, to keep running and running till I am covered all in sweat, till exhaustion sets in, till I can run no more. Maybe I am sadistic, taking pleasure from all the pain and tiredness. Maybe I enjoy the triumph of completing a run no matter how much I want to give up in the process. Maybe I like the feel-good endorphins. Or simply, I just feel like it…

Whichever, I wish for a run again...

I Dreamt...

My brain has a favourite pastime - to dream while I am sleeping. I think a lot of people should have known by now.

Thus, yes, I dreamt yesterday... I must have dreamt of numerous stuff…

But I only remember this one...

A dream like this is scary: the possibility of it happening is so high, it is far too realistic.

Though it was just only a dream, the thoughts that flashed through were so vivid and feelings so strong... that I cannot quite erase it off even till now. My heart is definitely weak.

Perhaps it is a privilege that I get to see a preview through my dream. I know how I may react and feel if it really happens. It gives me a chance to rectify in real life, if there is a need to (?!)...

Of course, I may be thinking too much... mindless thoughts translated into dreams...or my subconscious is too imaginative for my own good...

However, I certainly do not want to face what was in my dream. I do not know how to handle it...

I Just Dunno How to...

At times, there are so many things I wish to say... and ask...

Feelings that I feel, thoughts that I think, questions that I question...

Yet, sometimes I dunno how to...

... dunno when to say, dunno how to express, dunno what for

... dunno should or not, dunno can or not, dunno right or not

... and thus the words are swallowed back in...

Perhaps I am lacking in my vocabulary…

Perhaps I got communication problem...

Perhaps there are things that I do not want to know…

Perhaps I am too concerned about how you may feel or react...

Perhaps it is Just Me...

Pardon me...

Memories

Memories, a blessing or a curse?

Moments together, dreams shared
Coupled with laughter and tears
All are entrenched

Tides changed, years passed
Yet all seems fresh in mind
As though it was yesterday

Nostalgic feelings, a silent killer
When overindulged, inhibits moving forward
Wishing nothing has ever changed

If today, everything can start on a fresh new page
With no recollection of the past
Will you want to?

On Patience Again..

I know I have posted a few entries on patience before already.

Yet, I still need to stress very much that patience is not my virtue at all though I have certainly improved over the years.

I can attempt to be slightly more patient when I am relaxed or feeling good. The patience band will be more stretchable then. I will entertain more, I will rattle more, I will try ways to see if you get what I say and I can take in more “nonsense”.

However, when I am pressed, or I am so focused on getting something handled, my patience is thin - I do not like to explain the whys, whats, and hows. If I need something, give me what I want, and all will be fine.

From young, my style has always been: I explain once, I explain twice, come the 3rd time, either you will get it from me or I will forget about it. Ya, I know it is not right for me to assume that people are on the same train of thoughts as I am; neither can I assume that the ability of comprehension is equally strong for everyone. I also know that my ways of beings may simply scare or piss people off.

Knowing is one thing though, really to have more tolerance is another. I can only try to shift... when I feel like it. Otherwise, just do NOT test it.

Thank you, R...

I think this is long overdue.

I want to thank R for his little gift last Fri…

Thanks for always having me in your thoughts. Thanks for your showers of gifts every now and then too.

It is not about the cost of the gift itself, but how much thought is being put into it.

With your limited $$ resources, you will still remember to get things for me when you are away or on something or for different occasions every now and then. That I appreciate.

Just like you may not have given me expensive gifts on my birthdays, but for the past 2-3 years, you would make your way down and wait for me below my office building to let me have the eggs and mee suan that you have cooked yourself. Simple enough, but I appreciate the acts of love and thoughts.

It is not so much about what you say too, it is about the sincerity that I feel.

It has never been a perfect or smooth journey with you… We give it to each other, we argue, we fight many a times (in fact, too many times lor! Haha)… But I suppose we get to understand each other better, and support each other in the process. We are not supposed to buy into each other's bullshit, rem?

And I know that you will never walk out of me. I do not know where I got this feeling from, but I just know.

"Thank you, friend."

A big four for u! :)

This Week...

My schedule for this week:

Lunches: All fully booked

Evenings: Almost all filled with appts/ things to do

Is that called packed? Or busy?

But ... busy is not equal to getting things done...

N energy is on a continuous depletion mode...

A Church Wedding

Attended a colleague’s wedding at a Methodist church today.

Perhaps it has been a long while since I last attended a church wedding, or perhaps my mind is wandering most of the time when I need to be rooted at a place for quite awhile... The point is, miraculously, I do enjoy the church wedding today for many a reason, though the cold air inside was brain freezing and I did get a little distracted every now and then.

A wedding is not the marriage...

It is not happily ever after... it is a plot of land, with some basic tools to work on...

The 3 foundations of a marriage: partnership, priority, & loyalty...

Ehhh... I had been listening wor...

Hahaha... 8-P

Women...

I seriously think I got issue handling the female species, especially those who are hypersensitive and 'petty' kind...It has never been my forte to know how to deal with them. I can never quite understand what's up with them.

Perhaps there are many things that I do not really bother about, and I cannot understand what the big deal many trivial matters is. If it doesn’t exactly bother me, I would not think that it will bother the other party. I will not give it extra thoughts to it too. However, I am not saying that I am not sensitive to someone’s feelings. I am. However, I always have a difficult time apprehending certain reactions and actions some girls have (not saying that I understand the guys’ one la! They are equally weird!). And why on earth should I try so hard to appease, please or satisfy them and their expectations?

To me, it is simple - if it is a small matter, and once it is over, just put it aside and move on. There is no need to keep harping on it - it will not change anything. There is no point to raise it up again and pinpoint who is at fault as it has already happened. The ideal is to make the best or make better the situation. There is no purpose either to be upset or bear grudges against the issue per se… if it is trivial.

And because the female species is so hypersensitive in certain issues, I get crazy trying to handle them. I need to take extra care in everything that I do or say, because I never quite know what get to them. I think it is no big deal, they think it is a great issue; I think the solution is simple, they choose to complicate the whole matter...

Perhaps I grow up with more male species in my life, perhaps it is due to my 'bad' experience with girls during my growing up years before, or perhaps it is just in my blood that I do not have what it take, thus I can never be quite a girls’ girl buddy kind.

Of course, my closer and long-lasting pals are girls indeed, yet, generally, I always get myself into trouble with girls. They make me want to pull out my hair; they make me puzzled; they are the ones who usually make life difficult for me.

Is it my face? Is it my attitude? Or my behaviour? Or my ways of being? Or what?

Can give me a break or not? Can give me the space to breathe or not?

Women… they are always my stretch.