Coward...

"I am a coward."

I said this to someone very recently. And this phrase popped into my mind again.

And I think I am.

For things/events that I have very bad experiences with before, I am fearful. This fear can engulf me so much so that I am scared to attempt them again. All I want is to get as far away from them as possible.

When I am in the process of going through it, I will survive – grit my teeth and fight/ last to the end. Quitting is not in my dictionary there and then. But thereafter, due to the fact that I tried so hard, and the journey is so tough and dark, I would never want to try it ever again. From then on, I am on a constant run track to escape from it...

That is really bad, isn't it? I should not use past experiences as a guide to what and how it can be. Every experience should start on a fresh new page. Yet, it is so tough to do that when certain beliefs have already set in...

Call forth the courage... n yet it may go into hiding...

So… a coward I am.