2007

Last day of 2007. A year has passed by swiftly.

2007 - A year of changes, a year of shifting and learning, a year of growth…

I have got my own space, changed my status and landed myself in a different job eventually. In the midst, there were times of lows and highs, disgusts and joys, breakdowns and rejoices. On hindsight, many things did not seem as tough as when I was being caught in it. Maybe triumph makes one forget how one has struggled to reach the destination.

As I looked back, I am grateful for many people who have been in my life this year to support me through. I am well aware that I am blessed to have friends who have rooted for me, become my allies, been protective over me and gave me a helping hand when I needed it most. I know my life is made easier with them around.

There were occasions that I was blinded, foolish, hurt or lost; yet, there are times where I witnessed my own power, clarity and intention. Whichever, each experience that I have had is learning for me. Learning to shift, to surrender, to accept and to let go… in many different ways.

The New Year is close on heels. Of course, I am going to think through my 2008 declarations and take steps to have them accomplished in the upcoming year.

May 2008 brings everyone a year of possibilities, happiness and blessings. Happy New Year!

光良

Michael Wong aka Guang Liang has always been a singer whom I am especially fond of. He has such pristine vocals that will easily charm you over and melt your heart. His songs are simple and endearing, yet they are close to heart and always manage to stir up a part in you which you can associate very well with. I have always like 无印良品 since 1995 when Guang Liang and Pin Guang (aka Victor Wong) were a Mandopop duo. Then they split in 2000 when each went on to pursue individual singing careers.

And yes, Guang Liang got his new album《不会分离》out in Nov. I am certainly biased cos I would tell you thumbs up for this album…

Here’s a MTV in his new album that I do like… 《不会分离》

Oh yes, I am going to Guang Liang Concert on 1 March 2008. He is finally going to have his first solo concert in Singapore after such a long wait.

Seems like I have an unspoken affinity with the name “Michael”. They are found very often in my life. Such common name. Duh. Ha.

Merry Christmas!

25 Dec... Christmas Day.

X’mas has been one of my favourite holidays for many reasons. I love the mood in the air; I love this sharing and giving season; I love buying gifts for people close to me; I love the meaning behind X’mas...

Yet, this year, I am pretty immune to such a day. Somehow, my mood is different from the previous years. Just feeling quiet about it, and do not feel like doing anything about it too.

For one thing I had been avoiding the crowds at the shopping malls most of the times this month, and I was reluctant to go shopping for gifts too. I did receive quite a few pressies from many... But except for a selected handful which I bought something especially for them, I did not get anything for the others.

Maybe it was the last minute shopping for the various colleagues in my office last year that had put me off. In my previous office, many would go get everyone else a X’mas present *roll eyes*. It did not seem nice not to buy something back, so it was a shopping frenzy for me last year for no purposeful reason. (Well, I think the gist is no extreme for me please, cos that would put me off...)

For whatever reason it could be, I do not think there is a ‘right’ feeling when X’mas approaches. Each year, it could be a different experience by itself due to many factors.

Yet, Merry X’mas, folks! Have a joyful, peaceful and blessed X’mas!

The Life Game

Was supposed to participate in a workshop called "The Life Game" last Sat. It is supposed to be a fun workshop for us to discover the choices that we have made that got us to where we are now. The time was supposedly to be from 1 pm to 6.30 pm. But the stupid woman here got the timing wrong - she thought that it was 1.30 pm to 6pm. So as the whole story goes, they got there at 1.30pm, only to realise that the workshop had already started like 1/2h ago…

So well, I did not get into the room… For workshops like these, I do not fancy being late… (and btw, I seldom get timing for such events wrong) So no workshop for me, ended up going home. But the irony is the Life Game has started for me even way before the actual workshop. It was clear how I had showed up such that I was late. I did not bother enough to even get the timing right. When all other 80 participants could get it right, I got it wrong. So much about the hassle to make my way there on time at 1.30 pm on a Sat afternoon.

Indeed, my 'journey' to the Life Game may just be a mini reflection of the other areas of my life and my state of mind at this point - I spent so much effort trying to get to where I want to be, only to realise that I stood myself up by making a blunder that shouldn't be there in the first place. There is little effort on my part to take note of small but crucial details, like the timing in this instance. I just simply assumed that I got it right without confirming or checking again.

What a way to set myself up for failure. Where is all the effort that I need to put in to ensure that I got things right and on track? Or perhaps where is my heart and intention in getting to where I said? Do I really want to make it happen, or I am just half hearted? What a Life Game. Totally intolerable of myself on such possible costly mistakes.

Time for me to take stock, reflect deeper on how I have showed up and shift in ways that I can serve myself better in the New Year to come.

Not Enuff?

Often, I feel that I have not given my best
That I am not a good enough __________
The fill-in-the-blank list can be ever long

I feel that I should and could have done more
By putting in more effort, trying more ways
To make things happen, to create the intended results etc

When things go wrong
I ask where I have not done right
I question where I have not done enough
Can there be more?
Can I do more?
How can I shift?
Such that the situation/outcome/process is more desirable

However, along the way, I get weary
It can be tiring to keep scaling mountains
When someone is always a taker
When some people just do not get it
When the silver lining seems nowhere in sight

Not that I want to be immune
I am never immune, in fact
Yet, I am only human
I may reach a point of my limits
Or that I decide to be lazy by taking the easy way out
So I figure the way to go about it is to… leave it…
Till I decide to do something about it someday again…

Hmm..

Succumbing to weaknesses
Giving in to stupidity
Surrendering to temptation
Reducing to such lowly position

Like the bright dandelion
It's pretty but can be weedy
Like the ugly duckling
Awkwardly nowhere it belongs

As with a dandelion clock
It's easily blown apart
Only a tiny fragment
It's readily erased off
How sadly significant only

More or less
No position to demand
Better or worse
Who is to judge

It should not
And should never be
The imaginary line
How should it be drawn?

Notes from the Universe

Bought this book “Notes from the Universe” from Times last Friday. Spent almost 45mins in the bookstore and this book caught my eyes. Not a novel, nor a book that’s hard to read. It just contains messages in these 218 pages. All are short and sweet, yet, they are incredible insightful and amazingly inspiring, especially if you do get what each message is trying to get across. Universe power...

Here are 2 extracts from the book, which I like:

You could never spend all the abundance that’s yours to spend.
Your supply is truly limitless.

Of course, of course, you already know that.
The size of your supply isn’t the issue. Finding it is.
You know it’s there, you know it’s yours, and you know you deserve it. But how to get yor hands on it? That’s the challenge.

Aha, “how.” Did you just ask “how”? You did.

Oh dear, never ask how. Never think about how; let go of the hows. If you wonder about how, it means your consciousness is not dwelling in spirit, it means you’re trying to manipulate matter, and it means you’re gonna be searching for a long, long, long, long time.

Steer clear of the hows, dear heart,
And simply dwell on the end result.

Got it?
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Your invisible limiting beliefs are only invisible when you live within their limits – or when you keep doing what you’ve always been doing.

Push yourself. Dare yourself to think bigger, to reach, and to behave as if a dream or two of yours has already manifested. Then you’ll see ‘dem little buggers pop out of the woodwork, painted fluorescent orange, loaded to the teeth with logic, imploring you to turn around and go back to safety!

Do something, do it today, something you wouldn’t normally do. Like maybe… take off early from work and go see a matinee movie.

Aha! Did you just see a couple of ‘em?!

Be warned: Sometimes, once exposed, they’ll try to snuggle up to you, looking sooo innocent and adorable. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, they’ll start with their “baby talk.” Sickening.

A Lesson Learnt from My Mom

I remembered the days when I was young and I used to throw tantrums and sulk. Such wilful kid I am huh? (Confession: I still sulk and throw tantrums nowadays too...Oops). Yet, there was one lesson that I picked up from my mummy on this.

I remembered my brothers or I would go on 'strike' at times and refuse to take our lunch or dinner. Yup, we thought it was a smart way of protesting to voice out unhappiness, to show displeasure or to display anger.

My mummy would just shrug her shoulders and said, “If you do not want to eat, it is you who go hungry, not me. It is you who suffer, not me...”

That was a teaching that I always remembered for one reason or another. Translated into more ‘adult’ terms, it just means many a time, we behave or show up in certain ways we think may hurt others around us or we may think our actions are inconsequential, yet, at the end of the day, we are just self sabotaging only.

If we choose to be rebellious and fail in exams to go against our parents; if we decide to ill treat ourselves to make the other party guilty for breaking up with us; if we decide to live a life of destruction just to spite some people, we are the ones who ultimately pay the price, not our parents, not our ex-partner or any other person out there.

Of course, we may be caught in situations that we sabotage ourselves without knowing. After all, we are all human beings with feelings, and are still learning. Yet, for the obvious, there is really no excuse. We cannot always get carried away by our feelings or evaluations, and be excused for all the things we have done or not done, especially when certain wilful acts do not serve us in a right and meaningful way.

I thank my mom for teaching me this.

Pretend?

Pretend... as if nothing has happened; as if everything is back to how it used to be.

Can it be? Will it be? Can anything be so easily erased and forgotten?

Or is it simply about taking the easy way out by sweeping issues, events, feelings under the carpet? Behaving as if everything is fine, knowing that it can never be the same ever as the root of the issues has never been faced up or addressed at all?

Time is the ultimate medicine or antidote? (Or is it the worst poison to any memory that one holds?)

I would choose to think that as time slips past each day, some people and things have lost their significance and place - they are not as close to the heart anymore, thus all that had happened no longer matter.

Consequently, there is no need to be bothered by it or to care about it much further anymore. Just let it be... and so be it...

The world is constantly evolving. We are taking steps forward every day. It is plain naiveness to think it can be status quo.

Standard Chartered Half Marathon 2007

Did the Standard Chartered half marathon yesterday. Woke up at 4.30am after a less than 5h sleep to prepare myself for the run. The flag off was at 6.15am, and it was really crowded that it took me more than 5 mins to step past the starting line.

My crunch time came at about 16km, where my arches hurt like anything, and my thighs and calves were almost cramping. I kept murmuring to myself, getting myself to push on; I let out a whisper of despair. The sun was exceptionally hot this year, with the rays shining straight onto the face at about 8am. Yet, when I know the finishing line was so close at 17km, I just ran with all the remaining strength that I could possibly muster.

I completed the run in about 2h 20min, with the timing a little better as compared to last year. It was certainly not a spectacular timing to have for many, but I am glad that I did achieve a better timing this year. I would not be able to tolerate myself if I fared worse, for some reasons.

Was indeed tired when I reached home after a hearty breakfast, knocking out from 11.30am to 4.30pm, with many visits to the toilets and gulping down of water in between.

Today my whole legs are aching, including my stomach muscles. Stairways are a torture today. But I am really glad that I did my run yesterday. For these few years, I have always used this Standard Chartered run to mark the end of a year in spectacular.

It also serves as a continuous learning, reminder and training - no matter how hard the going is, the end point is my goal; crunch time is where I need to face up, but give up I should not. The victory waiting at the end line is worth all the hard work and the pain... I just need to grit my teeth and see it through, as the taste of victory is sweet...