Friday, August 18, 2006

I Surrender!

Finally took the courage and threw in my white towel - I tendered my resignation.

Was it an easy decision?

Well, there is always Fear that will hold me back in trying something new. There is this thing called the Unknown, and that can be pretty scary, as I cannot see where I may be heading, whether I can make it or not. It can be a bad decision; it can be a wrong move; it can be that I am too impatient… Will I perform in a new job? Can I fit in the culture? Is the new job something that I really want? Can it lead me to where I want to go? The list of considerations goes on. And especially when I'm comfortable in this company, the risks and the prices to pay may just be so high.

At the same time, it is not as if that I am not doing well in this company. I am due for a transfer to head another department soon and I have just been promoted. I have given opportunities here and have risen in ranks from executive to asst manager to manager now in my 2+years here. So it does seem like that I am doing good here, and is a so-called 'performer'. So some will think that it is ultimate madness that I am making this move at this point in time.

On the flip side, I am concerned about my own growth here. I know that I can put in 30% of my efforts and still achieve the results that are needed here. By being so comfortable here, is that beneficial to myself? Am I still learning and growing? Am I achieving what I potentially able to? Is my work here aligned with my career direction? At the same time, I seem to lose my motivation – I no longer have that strong a drive as before. Is it because I accept the ways things work here or that I cannot be bothered anymore?

At the same time, I am pissed off by the empty promises that were given to me. Though it seems like I am doing well here, in my own point of view, I feel that I am not properly appreciated and compensated for my contributions here. In our recent appraisal, my boss said she felt that I am not committed enough and she did not know whether it is because it is the dept that I am in where ownership is tough. I asked her "What makes commitment?" Her reply is along the line of hardworking and staying back to work late. Is that called COMMITMENT? To me, commitment means a conscious effort to put forth best efforts in what I am doing, and achieve the best results that I could. It got nothing to do with overtime and craps like that…that may just mean inefficiency.

So there I have it, all the internal debates and struggles about to leave or not to leave. In the end, "listen to your heart and gut feel" struck a cord. So I did what I did...

How things will eventually turn out, I do not know. Will I regret it? Is it a good move? I will only know the answers on hindsight. And well, even if I fail, at least I learn from it and be better at next attempt, wun I?

Wish me luck...

2 comments:

Wondering Wanderer said...

Well whatever you're into, we'll definitely support you in one way or another as long as it's your decision and you were not forced into making any rash choices. Life's full of choice and it's all about how you make use of the opportunities available. Whatever it is give it a shot.

You'll never know if your feet smell unless u take off the shoes.

bitchydolly said...

:)

Thanks man, for ur support! Let's hope all will just turn out to be better!

Btw, my feet dun smell hor! :PP