The End of One Chapter

“Everything happens for a reason”... “There is no coincidence”... I have heard people asserting these points over the years, and I do agree with them. I mean, if I want to look for reasons for any event that happens to me, and every people that enters into my life at any point in time, I am sure I can find lots of them.

I had just marked the end of the chapter in my present company. Outwardly, it seems like a very short chapter, with only 11 months. However, it is indeed a long journey to me as it only took me 2 days to know I am in the wrong place.

I supposed I had made many wrong first moves in this work place. As such, I inevitably set myself up for a lot of trouble and issues here. For so many times, I questioned myself in the ways that I had showed up that did not give me the desirable results; in many occasions, I literally broke down; for many months, I tried to shift and recreate...

Yet, during this torturous process, I had certainly learnt more about myself, recognized people’s idiosyncrasy, and realized how I may need to shift to get it ‘right’. It may not be that pleasant an experience, but I do know I have gained invaluable learning that will serve me further in my further jobs. And I did finally get it ‘right’, though I have certainly run out of patience as I refused to be engaged in such meaningless tussles any further, and be stuck in a job that isn’t that forwarding moving.

I do believe that this chapter happened for a reason, and I know it is all for the better. Cos I have certainly got clearer of what I am looking for, what may serve me better and how I need to shift to give me the intended results... Oh yes, I assert that the power of sourcing works as actions will follow closely after the intention is stated! I did get another job, a job that I wanted, after being through 3 rounds of tedious interviews... And I am excited about it... :)

After Thots

My birdday was a few days ago... On such a day yearly, I am always being reminded how blessed and well loved I am by all the people around me. Messages of affectionate wishes, showers of love, gestures of gifts, acts of surprises... warm my heart, bring a smile, draw much laughter and mesmerize my soul...

“Thank you” is perhaps all that I can say. My vocabulary is indeed limited.

Simpe yet invaluable moments like these fill up my memory tank, and will be close to my heart in this life journey.

Give me the Space

Think I am a rebellious bitch. I hate people breathing down my neck. I hate to be closely watched. I hate being excessively fussed over. I hate people telling me what I need or need not do. I hate people sticking too close to me for comfort or restricting me in my actions. I hate anything that suffocates me.

I desire freedom. I desire breathing space. I desire the ability to do what I feel like doing. I am untamable to a certain extent. If I am already very independent since young, I certainly cannot tolerate anyone who watches over me, attempts to control my movements, or stick to me that closely now, even though it is all with good intentions...

I may give in in many instances after considering the big picture, from the other person's point of view and for the benefit of everyone. However, it doesn't mean that I like it. It also doesn't mean that I can tolerate it for long. There is always a limit to my patience, especially when I feel restricted and suffocated.

Of course, it does not mean that I would simply run loose, disregard any consequences and go do whatever I fancy or things like that. I do know my own limits, and I love company, friends, feedbacks etc. I am certainly muddled-headed at times, and will love people to be around to support me when that happens.

I also make effort to get relationships going. I love to make and spend time with the people I love, doing things together and sharing moments; yet, it doesn't mean it needs to look a certain way, or it got to be on everything and everyday or that frequent. To me, it is always about letting each other has the space to grow and enjoy individually, yet, coming together at times to create experiences and moments. It is definitely a delicate imaginery balance, with no one right scale for each relationship, nor for sure how it may work out...

Whichever, the gist of it is I do adore my own space very much, and appreciate people who respect that.

What a Week!

This week seems to pass by in a fuzzy! Today is already Thu, yet I think I have left my brain on the shelf since Mon… I got difficulty remembering which day is today. It is like mad rush everyday, not so much with work, but with all other things! Every evening is packed with something to handle. Then again, it is not like I am out each evening to chill out with friends or have the luxury to be TV potato couch... Haha...

And my cat, Mick is sick again. He has been visiting the vet a few times this year already – Feb, Mar, May and then now. His old problem came back - he got very bad and swollen teeth with some bad teeth. He is also down with flu, with his nose seriously blocked, and sneezing and wheezing... All problems together, he is not eating and is dehydrated. So I got him to the vet on Tue evening, and he was hospitalised. He was supposed to do dental scaling for his teeth, but then he got such bad flu that the vet advised to cure his flu first. Otherwise, he may not wake up from his GA after the scaling... Her words “what is the point of having a cat which got clean teeth but dead...” Haha...

I managed to cramp in some time to rush down immediately after my work to the clinic to visit Mick before I went home to wait for my part time cleaners yesterday night. Gosh, he was in such a sorry state. He was on drip cos he is still not eating or drinking, and he was all dirty with his urine, cos I think he refused to move at all in his cage. He was also super grouchy and stressed up staying there. Felt so sorry for him. I managed to clean him up a little, sayang him and stayed with him for awhile. When I left, he seemed so much happier and cleaner... However, I got no time this evening to pop by to take a look at him. I do hope he is really getting better and not feeling as stressed...

My Staffing Experience

The 5 days of basic training were over. Yet life has just started for those who had been inside the room for the past 5 days.

It has been an enriching and wonderful (though very tiring!) staffing experience for me. Unlike the previous basic staffing, I am at ease most of the times (or apparently?)... After a few more years of growth and experiencing life out there, I walked into the training room with different point of views on how I should show up, on results and how to support this great bunch of people. I have certainly learnt to celebrate where these people are at this point in time, trust the processes and hold the people big enough to know that they will shift and get what they need to get about their life in the training room. I have also realised that I have learnt over the years to trust myself in the ways I support these people, yet ask for coaching if I need it.

Basics training is all about self-awareness - how each has shown up in life so far and how they can get to the goals they say are important to them. My heart goes all out to the 60 participants who have worked very hard to take a look at their own lives and creating values for themselves. Perhaps they do not know, but as a staffer, I may be more excited than they themselves, and was anxious to know how I can show up to support them such that they would take risks, create values and see possibilities in their lives at each passing day. Seeing their faces on Sun, each of us, total 10, we know that our time, effort, lack of rest and sleep, and commitment are all worth it. In many ways, the participants have contributed a lot to me personally too - they have amazed and inspired me, and have busted a lot of beliefs that I may hold. I salute them wholeheartedly...

Indeed, this experience has re-grounded me all over again, and let me realise once more how great it feels to be in contribution to someone...

Heal The World

Heard this song over the radio again early this morning... "Heal the World" by Michael Jackson. A big song certainly, for world peace and making the world a better place, and it has aptly brought up that the power lies within each of us to make a difference. I have special attachment for this song as I had used this song to mark the learning and understanding I got from a journey.

I like particularly these few phrases:

"There's a place in your heart
And I know that is love
And this place could be much
Brighter than tomorrow"

"If you want to know why
There's a love that cannot lie
Love is strong
It only cares for joyful giving
If we try we shall see
In this bliss
We cannot feel Fear or Dread
We stop existing and start living"

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OWTFGFIA

Somehow I am unsettled. Perhaps I am mentaling about all the mechanics that I need to do. Perhaps I am excited about the people who are walking in. Perhaps I am nervous about how I would show up in the room. Perhaps I am worried that I may not do it right…

Sometimes, it can be such an irony. When I am trying something new, not knowing what to expect, not knowing what is going to happen, there may be little fear to freeze me as there is nothing and no basis for me to... However, when I have experienced it once and know how it may be like, I may be hesitant to attempt another round…

Bad experiences with things may stop me short. They may alter my entire views about certain issues and ways of doing things, thus I may never want to be caught in similar situations ever again. Yet again, past experiences are not meant to be taken as a “predication or forecast for future performances”?

Good experiences? Well, I know the process is exhilarating, so much so that I suspect that my faint heart may not be able to take such roller coaster excitement!

So see, life is so troublesome, isn’t it?? Hahaha…

But then again, “Oh, What The F***, Go For It Anyway!”

When the intention and vision are clear, things will eventually fall in the right place… :)