Heart and Hurt

I was reading some stuff when I came across something like this along the line: “ Love is all about being vulnerable… if you want to protect yourself, then you will lock yourself in your own selfishness.”

I got to agree with I have read. Love is all about opening my heart to someone or something, and that runs a risk of being hurt, rejected or failure. However, if I do not give, I will never receive. I will not get to experience the full spectrum of love, joy and happiness.

Love is just like a pendulum, isn't it? Only if I allow it to swing high to one end, it can then swing back high to the other end. If I only want to guard my heart from being hurt, I can only lock it up in the coffin, and let it die with my own selfishness…

Yet, yesterday night, I just got to know a friend of mine whom the bf just broke up with her. She was devastated, of course. She was still crying when I was talking to her over the phone.

Though she may appear to be a woman who is like bochap to the environment around her, she is actually someone who cherishes her friends around her, and is very serious when it comes to relationship. So this guy’s abruptness in breaking up really shatters her heart.

I do hope she will get over this very soon, and find a guy who does appreciate her the way she is. Like I told her, it is better that it happens now than later. The hurt will certainly more if it drags on.

Pain takes time to heal certainly. She has given, thus it hurts. I have been through that, and I can fully empathize with it.

Let time be the best antidote for all that happens. Tomorrow will certainly be a brighter and better day.

Songs

Maybe little known to a lot of people, the easiest way to get to me is songs. That is my killer. I am always quick to relate to certain songs. They can simply easily bring out expressions of feelings, moods and thoughts in a different way.

And I always love to watch MTV, cos that is where the story of the song unfolds. So is it true that behind every song, there is a story? I do wonder.

Anyway, below is the lyrics of a new song that I like very much, sung by Tanya Chua. It is a great song with soothing tune and touching lyrics. The MTV is equally well done too. The more i listen to it, the more I love it..

Beautiful Love

看住時間　別讓它再流浪

從前我　太適應悲傷

你的出現在無意中　卻深深撼動我

一起走著 沒說什麼　

心是滿足的

--

*這個世界　隨時都要崩塌

我沒有　其他的願望

假如明天將消失了　

趁現在我愛著 只想記得　

被你抱著　溫熱的感受*

--

#Love's beautiful so beautiful

我失去過　更珍惜擁有

多慶幸我是我　被你疼愛的我

緊緊牽住的手　不要放手　永遠守護我#

--

@Love's beautiful so beautiful 　

我很快樂　你會了解我 　

我不會再哭泣　是因為我相信 　

我們勇敢的愛著　每秒鐘 　

都能證明　一生的美麗@

--

REPEAT *#@

--

Love's beautiful so beautiful

An Extremist

I received a feedback from a colleague yesterday that I am an extremist – someone who only has black and white, with no grey. His context? He is referring to the way that I interact with the people around me. This is part of the conversation that we had:

Him: I realize that you are an extremist.
Me: Where got?
Him: You got only black and white, and no grey. With some people ah, you are very warmed up. Towards some, you are very aloof and cold.
Me: * Laughed *
Him: You cannot like that. Some people you just got to entertain a bit.
Me: Got so obvious meh?
Him: Yes.
Me: It is just not my style.
Him: Cannot one. In work, sometime you got no choice but to act act a bit.
Me: * Laughed again*

And that conversation sets me thinking…

Well, he is not wrong in his observation. I am like that, to a big extent, ever since long time ago. Even in schools, those people that I do not like or not too familiar with, I would not bother to acknowledge him or her, or even just to say Hi. That is me. If I like you, I will talk to you. If I dun, I do not see the reason why I should entertain you lor.

But come to think of it, I used to be very nice to people a long long time ago, when I was much younger. Too nice that I'm being taken advantage of. I remember my days in secondary school where some of my classmates would “bully” or ostracize me in some little ways here and there. And I always ended up thinking to myself this question “ what is it about me that they dun like”. As such, I would still try to be friendly with them and please them in ways that I could, thinking that it would change their perceptions of me. What is the ending? Yes, you may have guessed it. They still treated me as bad.

Subsequently, I still would go around treating people pretty well, always wanting to appear nice and well received. Guess that is an image issue as well. I was taught that “nice, friendly, easy-going” are positive traits, and I wanted to be seen as someone like that.

However, I guess things somehow have reached my limit one day that I decided to bochap these people and what they thought of me. I mean why should I care so much for others and their feelings when they care none about mine? And why should I bother when I am not even close to some of them?

So the me today is the end result of many factors. I have always been a very sensitive creature, well aware of what people are feeling or thinking. Yet, in recent years, I have grown more confident of myself, with better self-esteem, and know what I want in life. As such, I am not really bothered about how some people, especially those who do not know me well, think about me. At the same time, I also realize that being nice is sometimes just not value adding to the other party. I just got to be the devil sometimes and give it to my friends, so that they may ‘wake up’ from some of their one-way thinkings. It's one of the way that I can simply contribute to them. Another reason is I do not see why I should be a hypocrite, and pretend to be friends with people that I dun exactly have good feelings. Of course, some will contest that it is just being friendly. But I guess it is just not me.

And actually, I am always an extremist in any other things. No moderation, but the extreme. That is another feedback from another friend...And I do not deny that. :P

My Dreams

Are dreams just dreams?
Haphazard and irrational they can be
Are they not meant to be read deeply into?
For one to forget the very next moment?

Or are they a manifestation of thoughts?
A communication of subconscious
And a link to intuition?
If so, then what are my dreams trying to say to me?

Nite by nite
I seem to hear them speaking to me
In languages that I can’t quite understand
Leaving behind a puzzled me

Some people just keep appearing
In places where I least expect
In scenarios that it should not be
In actions that I would not do

So why them?
Why the particular setting?
If it were to happen in my real life
Will I react the way I react in my dreams?

Well, just let my mind and brain has a free play
In their ways of communication
Maybe this is the way I find a solution in my life
Perhaps this is how my feelings are displayed

So what will I be dreaming tonight?
No point guessing
Cos I will never know
Just surrender
And expect the unexpected…

Solemnisations & Weddings

Tink June is a great month for couples to get married. I have a few wedding dinners and roms to attend this month.

I got a Uni buddy who did her ROM on the 10th Jun..Another frd who had done her customary on the 11 Jun, with dinner on the 16 Jun, another one ROMing on 20 Jun...

Dunno why, but i always feel very emotional during solemnisation or when I see the march in and video clips of their journey. Guess I am just touched by it, and simply do feel for my friends who are getting on to another important phase of their life.

When the romantic music is on, the lights starts to darken, and the couple starts walking in with their arms interlocking, and so much bliss, love and happiness is shown on their faces. Happiness is what I feel, and indeed that is a veri touching scene. Seeing the bits and pieces of their shared journey so far on their video clip, I can sense that they have come a long way in their relationship to take this important step. And gosh, words can't put across the kind of emotions that are going through my mind then. Touched, overwhelmed and simply just happy for them. Tears always seems to be creeping quietly and unknowingly into my eyes at moments like this, though little known to the people around me. This is the first step to more in their lives - to love each other to eternity, to share their woes and happinesses together and create more passion, love & excitement hand in hand.

So much for the happiness and romantic settings for ROM and wedding dinners... I guess this is just the start of everything else in their lives. Creation is a continous process, isn't it? It doesn't stop here.

I do, sincerely, with the whole of my heart, wish them happiness and love forever.

People in my Life

I always get pretty emotional when people walk in and out of my life, especially to those that I have grown close to. Changes make people draw apart, and feelings become distant. Things that are today are no longer the same come tomorrow.

Sometime I do wish that I have cherished them more when they are around.

So it is about me? I do wonder.

Gone were the days
Where laughter was the candy
Past were the moments
That joy seemed eternal

People come and go
This is how it works
Some are here for a reason
Some are just passer-bys

Footprints are what they leave behind
Some are frail
Some are deep
The rest, hardly ever matter

Heart is the supreme
That I wun contest
Emotions just trickle in
At moments I least expected

Is that a weakness?
Or should it be a strength?
That I really do not know
How I wish I never asked

Does it matter or does it not?
That I dare not probe
‘Cos venturing what is deep beneath
Is too much for me to take

Learning is what I do
Coping is what I should
Letting go is the key
And future is the hope

But for the time being
Let everything be at a halt
Let my emotions flow
And let me be who I am …
For now

Today

Did this some time back. Was feeling a little emotional about things. So here is what i wrote:

Today…
A day that feelings are at a still stand
Unwilling to wander
Reluctant to ponder

Changes is the only constant
That I know
Yet when it is straight in my face
It all seems more than it can snow
Is that the truth?
Or is it otherwise?

When was the last time I listen to my heart?
That I can’t recall
Is it cold?
Has it fold?
Or has it died?
Answer is the dye

Yet, the sky is still ever blue
And the sun is out to shine
The sea is still so true
And the stars are bright so high
Changes have they?
No is the answer?

Maybe this is life
Answers are not meant to have
Ponders are not meant to be
Take what come may
And make the best of it