Jitters

Honestly, I am having jitters and so much conversation about the run tonight, that I am unsettled whole day long. But then again, OWTFGFIA (Oh what the f**k, go for it anyway!)…

Wish me luck that I would complete the run in one whole piece.

My week

A week just passed in a jiffy. Sometimes, I wonder what I have been doing… Everyday seems to be occupied, but what am I occupied with? Hmm…

Anyway, I am spending a lot of time this week glued to my TV, watching the Korean OST - The Legend. The 1st two episodes were just being broadcasted in Channel U last Sunday. I am hooked to it now, cos the plot is simply too exciting, and of course, Bae Yong Jun is too cool to be missed in this show!

What a Wed

Somehow, I am totally off track today. Suddenly, I seem to reach a tipping point that I could not take it any more… Just want to call it quits, enough of the rubbish, enough of trying to deliver, enough of trying to figure out what you want…

I have been very conscious of my being in my new workplace, and try to manage expectations, do my best, and deliver results. Yet, although there is no major issue today, I just got sick of doing and trying… It is one of the worst days here…

Maybe it is one of THOSE many days where my mood is haywired. You know, being woman (!!!)… Then again, maybe it is not out of sudden? The pressure must have been building up but I keep brushing it aside till I suddenly toppled over to realise that I have reached a limit.

Then again, it is always about continuing after crunch time, isn't it? Cannot just simply throw the white towel and walk out like nobody's business. It is about continuing and reaching the end point. Or so I thought. That is what I do in running, and this is what I learnt from my runs… haha..

Things will get better. My communication to the universe needs to be positive. I need to take some time to reground myself so that I am not dragged down by my moods… Too absurd a reason or excuse.

Add on

Oh, I forget to add to my post below that it may just take a single event like this to know which friends are worth keeping, and who are to be discarded into the garbage bin.

Some people are so into themselves that they forget about others and to be in contribution. They are those who will be around if there is fun, but can never be relied on when you need support. For this group of people, do not lament that others do not care a hoot about you. Before you complain, take a moment to reflect upon yourself first.

How disgusting.

Sad...

Wed marked a very sad day. One of my close friend’s mom passed away in the early morning. It was a sudden death as a heart seizure simply robbed her life in that split second when she collapsed onto the floor at the void deck below their block. HF was the only one with her then.

When I heard the news of the death over the phone, I was in total shock as I did not remember her mom to be in any serious illness. HF was sobbing so hard over the phone, and my heart went out to her. I know how that feels. And as she was such a close friend of mine, I could not help but feel very upset over her mom’s death too… I understand how hard it is for the family to accept her sudden departure.

I was at the wake on both Thu and Fri evening with different friends. Did I ever mention that I do not like to be at a wake? I hate the feeling generally in the air, I am afraid that I could not control my sadness... But as someone lending support, the last thing is to break down first.

The end of the journey for the mom, but the lives of family go on, and they gotta learn to cope without her. It would not be an easy time for them, but hopefully time should heal. There is little that I could do to make a big difference to HF in the meanwhile, but I supposed the least I could do is be with her when she just needs someone to be around.

Life is so fragile… You never know when it ends… That is why we cannot simply wait for tomorrow to do something that we always want to do or to show love to someone who is so dear to us…

More Photos

Cockatoo Waspfish. It is really tiny and thin that you can easily
miss it with all the sand and seaweeds.
The dive guide said it is rare to find this in Puerto wor!


Thorny seahorse. Notice his big stomach? He is pregnant!!


Zebra moray eel. Spotted it with nemo and actually shrimps.
One of my best and fave shots taken during this trip.


This giant frogfish was found during a deep wreck dive!
It's facing left, if you could spot its tiny eye! Always gd with camouflage!


Thin ghost pipefish. Pic was taken at a deep dive too.
Saw many different pipefishes at Puerto actually.

Random Thots

Sometimes, my thoughts run wild… U know, how random thoughts are and u expand on a topic…

Nevertheless, this thought came to mind before I drifted into sleep yesterday night that I am a bad woman, for everything that I am and am not…

For people that have been loving me, I may not have done enough and may have hurt them wilfully… For some people that I ought to ignore, I am too soft even for my own comfort at times. Some actions are only right, but I lack courage. Some things are crystal clear, yet I hold back.

Simply, what you see is not what you may get…

Or a goodly apple rotten at the heart?

Nudibranches at Puerto Galera

Saw heaps and heaps of colourful nudibranches at Puerto Galera... They left me in awe of their beauty and their vast variations - seemingly the same yet not the same...

I'm certainly a novice in underwater photography... and my camera is given by my dear friend... I took lotsa photos though some turned out to be really crappy :( ... But who cares, the underwater beauty is so hard to resist...

I dunno...

I had a sms “conversation” with someone yesterday after I was back from Puerto Galera.

I tried to take a very neutral stand, for I should not judge, and ought not to impose my views, especially to someone like him...

Below is the conversation thread:

Him: Hows things? I am pretty all messed up. Haha.

Me: Wat’s up, handsome?

Him: I, the self professed faithful husband fell in love with a girl from China. Haha. Broke off but my heart is crushed.

Me: (being sarcastic here, wonder if he got it…) Den it’s not abt faithful anymore. Lotsa temptations out there, I supposed. All done. So it’s abt what’s next.

Him: Back to normal? But it is not the same anymore. I don’t know what’s wrong? Is it me or us? Have I become numb to my wife? Anyway I am humbled by my own failure.

Me: It can never be the same. How can it be? I guess it’s not impt who’s it. E importance is what’s going to happen after this. Feelings can be transient. Marriage is all about responsibility and commitment thereafter. U decide what u want to do with it. Time will lighten a clouded mind.

Him: Thanks for ur concern. I still want my wife n kid. But what disturb me is that I really was serious. So much for my “love”.

... ... ...

Few issues here:

1. So much about being faithful, especially for those who keep saying that they are. The ugly truth is happily ever after is only a fairy tale?

2. When the feeling of love dies, what is next? Can stale feelings be revived? Or it should be ignored? Or that is a natural course that ought to be accepted? Is there a better way? Or another way?

3. Let’s put aside issues such as we are talking about a China woman here, who is the initiating party or who gives in to feeling or temptations. The point is the man will still choose the wife and the kid at the end of it all. The thing is they already know that before they jump into the other relationship. So much for their self professed “serious love” in it.

Most men are only in for a fling, be it for sex, fun, or just simply want to prove that they are still attractive… The selfish self wants to have the cake and eat it - keep the woman at home, family intact and have fun out there at the same time... So if the 3rd party is in for the real thing, then she is just asking for trouble and more trouble, for at the end of the day, no one is going to sympathize with her.

Men… women… relationships… bothersome… yet, we cannot do without them… such complexity.

At times, I wish I'm blind and oblivious. Ignorance is bliss.