Saturday, September 29, 2007

Going back to staff

What a sunny Sat morning. It has been quite awhile that I am this awake on a Sat morning. Haha... I have not been updating my blog for the past week, yet it was a week where I had made quite a few decision calls...

Well, I am finally going back to staff the basic training this coming Wed-Sun. Somehow, I am feeling somewhat jittery - after all, it has been a quite awhile since I am back to serve the people. But, I am going to be as committed to the people as they are committed to themselves in the training room.

Basic training... a training that has served me far and good... It is indeed an accelerated learning of life, which I discover, shift, grow and contribute. It was the first door opening that I took a closer look at myself, and how I had shown up so far that led to all my results in my life. As such, I am always eager to share with I have gained with people who are close to me. Like how I have benefited greatly, I hope that they will gain a lot via this training. I cannot vocalize everything that I have realised and gained, they can only experience for themselves to know what I am talking about.

I have enrolled a handful of people to walk into the training room, my brothers included. I must acknowledge them for their openness and willingness to explore how they can be propelled further in their life. I am always very excited and elated when someone close to me nods his or her head to agree to walk into the training, and I am even more excited when it was Sunday – the day that the training ends.

Yet again, many a times, I fail to enroll some of my closest friends to walk into the training room. Yes, it can really be an upsetting experience to handle that rejection. I may fail to see why they refuse to simply take a little of their time to see how they can be better in their own life. Or rather, I cannot comprehend why they do not even allow themselves to discover what can be possibly in store for them. It is after all only 40h of training!! What is there to lose, really? *scratch head*

Through doing enrollment, I learnt a lot about myself - the me in taking risks, in being open, in being vulnerable; the me and the relationship with results and rejections... I also learnt about the choices that others make, though at times I am puzzled about the way they reach a certain decision...

Oops, guess I have been dwelling on some boring stuff now...*zipped* Whichever, I am going to be re-grounded and will be back into the training room next week to support those who have taken the first steps. Certainly, it is going to be tiring as I may hit home like way past midnight for a few nights. However, it is all worth it, and it will be another enriching learning experience for me too... :)

Friday, September 21, 2007

Out of Stamina

I am a recreational jogger. I run occasionally to keep fit and de-stress.

For fun, I do half-marathons mostly nowadays too once or twice a year. The finishing line is always the focus once I am out of the starting line... Yet again, there are times that I obviously have under trained and started to struggle very hard at certain points in the long distance run. Crunch times indeed. And I may curse and swear, or despair wondering why I set myself up for such pain and struggle, and if I will cross the finishing line or not. Yet, running always gets better after more practices...

And yes, I'm indeed blessed. Twists and turns of events have left me bewildered and amazed... This roller coaster ride is leaving my heart in my mouth. But I am glad that things have fallen in place for me somehow (hopefully...). Otherwise, I am worried that I cannot cross the finishing line this time round as the route is filled with too many unexpected uphill and sharp turns...

Hopefully, I will be better after this...

Thursday, September 20, 2007

How Will You Feel...?

How will you feel when …

... all seems to go well only to have something unexpected cropping up?

... the hopes are raised only to be dashed?

... a hug becomes a handshake?

... understanding turns into green-eyed monster?

... an ocean separate the intimacy?

... some things seem so near yet so far?

... optimism seems lonely and depressed?

... memories for certain moments are so limited?

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Happy Birthday again!

20 Sep is but just another day away. Another year has slipped past quickly and it is R's bday again...I rem blogging about him last year this time too. How much things have changed in this one year? Perhaps one is that my status now is different. Ha. Other than that, I am sure we had our own fair shares of encounters, roller coaster rides, and growth too.

Again, I want to wish him happy birthday and that he will excel and shine brightly in his own areas…

"You have been great. I thank you for always being there for me. Your stand for me has been unwavering; your faith in me seems greater than what I believe in myself. I appreciate your honesty many a times too - your honest feedbacks, your honest revelation of your feelings and your honest views of and on things.

Continue to soar and create results. The journey is as fulfilling as you make it to be.

Happy Birthday, Buddy. A big '4' for you. Hugsss."

Friday, September 14, 2007

All These...

Death, are you afraid of it? You never know is there really an after life or things like that, as much as religions of any sort may advocate their own versions of after death. Is death that frightening, or it is the struggle before death that is scarier?

Someone once asked me this qn "if you have a choice, will you choose to die before or after your partner?" My ans: “My partner to die before me. So he needs not grieve over the pain of losing me and handle all the matters that may follow." It is the livings who need to fight a stronger battle to manage the pain of losing a loved one. Yet, many will choose to die first so that they need not see their loved ones leaving them...

I never like attending wakes as this means someone that I know got a family member who has passed away. I do not like the experiences that I have at wakes. The emotions in the air can be scarily overwhelming...

Life is so vulnerable. Today we may complain about those little things that have bogged us down, failing to realize that we are simply blessed to be alive, breathing and healthy. The moment that passed can never be revived, hence the term "Carpe Diem".

We can never satisfy everyone too. As long as we are happy doing what we are doing, not at the expense of someone’s welfare, we sometimes need not be bothered too much about what others have to say. Otherwise, we will spend a lifetime trying to live up to others’ expectations and not for ourselves… Is there any purpose in doing so?

Heard this song this morning, at a moment when my feelings are tender. Yes, the right song at the right time… This song has its own significance especially a few years back when I opened a different yet wonderful door of journey for myself… Whitney Houston - The Greatest Love of All...

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Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Can?

Everything has its time and place
Even the day has to give way to the night
So has the time come?
Is the place right?

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

It...

Cannot express it freely
Cannot flaunt it openly...

Cannot request for it overtly
Cannot demand for it wilfully...

Privilege and Right
They are not my friends...

Reason and Sanity
They leave me in the lurch...

Sensibility and Sensitivity
They are phronemophobic...

A distance is where I stand
A place do I have?

Questions that I may have
Answers I wish not hear...

It...
Can only be wished upon...

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Such Nice Photo


Nope, this photo is certainly not taken by me for sure! How could I have taken such a nice photo with my lousy photography skill?! Yet, I cannot resist putting this photo up as it really speaks for and by itself...