Thoughts...

I feel that there is nothing that I can do well

Small and big matters

I seem to fail them all

I feel so tiny and inadequate

I did not try hard enough?

My way of being is wrong?

Or simply I am just not good enough?

Some stuff I could never quite understand -

Why do I have it more difficult than others?

Why do I have to fall time and time again?

Why do I always have to take a step back and start all over again when things start to look a little rosier?

Why do I need to pay such a heavy price for certain foolish actions many years back?

I have spent a lot of time with myself some years back and for the past years

To liberate myself, to see the world and happenings with a different pair of goggles;

To seek clarity in my life; to work issues out;

To ground myself, and to move on with life with renewed strength, confidence and reassurance

And I work hard at it – I really do

Yet all it takes is just one thing to crash it all
To erase all my hard work I have done before
And at this point, I seem to be back at square one

I start asking all the whys, questioning so hard again

And there are heaps of things that I would like to do well

But my results simply fall short…

Before one issue can be solved, another bigger issue pops out

All I am capable of doing now is giving problems to my most loved one

Making him worry about me all the times…

And this is making me very sad…

Tell me what I can do… how can I do it better?

I know I need to shift, but can I and how?

Why can’t things just change for the better this once?

This journey seems so tough

And the end point does not seem anywhere in sight

But I need to push myself to cross the ending point victoriously

I have to, isn’t it? There is no return…