92% Untapped Potential

Caught this paragraph in My Paper today, and thought it is quite relevant.

。。。科学家研究发现， 一般人在一生中发挥的能力只不过是他全部潜能的8%， 还有92%都在沉睡。 因此， 人的一生是一个不断成长的过程， 需要不断更新自己的能力， 才能把自己的能力发挥大最大， 所以， 永远不要沉溺于现状。。。

Enough of bullshit huh…?

不知道

有时我倦恨这样的我
如此的软弱无能
过于地放纵情绪
眷恋着人与事
回忆挥之不去

是感情泛滥吗？
是幼稚不堪吗？
还是犹如蛮牛
一成不变？

Length vs Depth

It is funny at times how I can feel close to some people even though we have not met up for quite awhile; yet for some, I always feel there is this invisible hurdle that we cannot cross no matter how often the communication is. There are some people whom I can click at that very instant moment; yet there are some whom I can never quite tolerate for as long as I know them.

Anyway, I brushed against this topic yesterday: length of time = depth of understanding.

Is it true? Ceteris paribas, given that there is a fair amount of communications over time, it is natural that you will get to know someone's idiosyncrasies, ways of being, actions and reactions etc much better. The root goes deep, as you may have spent so many years growing up together, going through phases of life together, therefore you know how each other is.

Yet, I often hear things like "he is no longer the same person that I know him XX years ago", "she has changed", “I dun know you anymore"... Puzzling… (?)

A relationship of any sort is never status quo. It is either forward moving or retarding. Even though 2 persons have known each other for decades, it doesn’t mean that there is an established understanding then, now and in the future. We may think that we know, understand, or can second guess the other person well. However, along the way, we may have failed to recognise and consider the other person's experiences, developments and growth. Each of us learn and grow at different speeds too. Lack of communications, full of assumptions, ease of complacency… all these lead to the diversion of paths subtly and slowly - ideas, values and thoughts are never aligned at the same point anymore... the vicious circle starts, and the gap widens as time goes by…

So length of time = depth of understanding can only be true to a certain extent. Bonding and understanding certainly take more than 1 ingredient to work well.

Pics of Short Tail

My Short Tail

Meowie, Kit and Short Tail in one straight row

Short Tail wanting for attention already as I took this photo

Short Tail during his 1st day of stay at Clinic (7 Jan). Though obviously skinnier, he was still in a much better condition than the day before.

Yet again, you can see part of his fur shaved off from the side for the extraction of fluids

The last 2 pics are the last few photos that I have of Short Tail. The rest could only be committed to memory...

Unconditional?

Just feel like raising the issue of “unconditional” for discussion in this entry. Checking the online dictionary and these are what I found:

Unconditional: without conditions or limitations; absolute
Conditions: 1. a restricting, limiting, or modifying circumstance 2.a circumstance indispensable to some result; prerequisite

So how many things on this earth are unconditional, with no strings attached, no restrictions or limitations?

Let's take forth and explore further the relationships with one another. Can they be unconditional? No? Yes? You sure?

The relationship with your best friend, is it unconditional? Don't you expect him or her to be there for you when you need it? Don't you expect him/her to concur with you or at least understand where you are coming from? Don't you want some forms of appreciation of your love, care and concern?

What about the relationships with other friends? Don't you want time from them? Don't you want to be seen as part of a group? At times, don't you want them to be there to cheer you up, to encourage you to keep you going? You are more comfortable with certain group of people. Why? Cos they may speak the same language, sing the same tune and dance the same way as you do. Thus you seek comfort from that, affirm your own values and justify your own presence.

DO you yearn time and love from your boyfriend or girlfriend? Do you expect him or her to understand you better than all other people, and do you expect him to walk the path hand in hand together with you?

For all the love, effort and time you have committed to your spouse, you do expect at the very least faithfulness and the ability to go through thick and thin with you, don't you?

Is there unwavering love between parents and kids? Don’t the parents expect them to do well in school, in sports and recreations? Is it just about kids and their future, or it got to do with the parents’ pride, glory and achievement as well? What about filial piety? What about the ability to accept the kid even he or she is a rotten scumbag?

The above list can go on and on… So aren’t these conditions? Aren't these limitations? Unconditional acceptance, love, relationships… I contest these strongly. Because I am sure there are things that you want out of each if you probe deeper into it. Be it you want assurance, acceptance, love, appreciation, affirmation, support, guidance, time etc… Otherwise, you will not be investing any of your time and effort on it at all. We are often both a giver and a taker at the same time.

Maybe some will say there is unconditional love from god. Well, maybe. God favours no one. His love is encompassing, loving every bit of you no matter who you are and how you are. Even how much you have sinned, you will still go to heaven…? Or is it about you reap what you sow, about kharma? I leave it at this. How about the other way round - your relationship with god? You believe in god, seek faith in him cos you want guidance, enlightenment, support, growth and answering of your prayers? So is that unconditional then?

Perhaps I am cynical and sceptical freak. Perhaps I am just taking this a bit to an extreme. But then again, I think you get what I mean - there is no free lunch in this world… Don’t be naïve. Don’t deceive yourself.

Short Tail

Short tail… He was a very manja cat which would purr for attention when you were near him. He would just come close to you, rub himself against you and simply love the affections that you shower on him.

He was a cute cat too, as he would only head for the kitchen when he was out… Unlike the rest, he was pretty quiet and easy when it came to bathing even though he was scared still. He was such a gentle and pretty cat that you would not think that he was a male (in fact, that even the clinic and hospital vets/ helpers called him "she"!). Seriously, there was no way that you could resist him. As such, he was one of my favourite among the few cats in my house.

He had been through a tough fight for the past one week ever since he was hospitalised in the Mount Pleasant Clinic on 6 Jan, Sun. Feeling better on the Mon after the surgery the day before, he was able to walk towards me and asked for sayanging even though he was on drip.

Yet, things took a turn on Wed. He was worse still on Thu, and the clinic vet advised me to send him to the Mount Pleasant Hospital instead as there is 24h surveillance there, in case he needed any attention during the night. I rushed him down immediately that very evening.

The hospital vet went ahead to perform ECG test on him the following day and verified that the atrium of his heart was not pumping along with the rest of his heart. His condition was not favourable at all. Yet, she said that he still needed treatment as his condition was not so bad that was beyond cure.

Short tail was in such a sorry state when I visited him that evening. My heart broke when I witnessed his agony - he was breathing with so much difficulty even though he was already in pure oxygen box and he could hardly open his eyes nor sit up. He had not been eating much for the one week, and was reduced to bones and skin only. He was on drip for the whole week, so much so that the needle got to go through his hind leg already. His body temperature had dropped and needed the assistance of the heat pack to keep it up… Simply, his condition had deteriorated so much.

But he knew that I was there, and attempted to respond to my touches and calling. With much effort, he looked at me with his eyes, and attempted to sit up. He was fidgeting with so much pain, yet there was nothing that I could do for him and that made me even sadder.

Somehow, my instinct told me to leave my handphone on for that night. I picked up the call at 9.30am on Sat to receive the news that Short tail had collapsed and the vet was trying to revive him. Half an hour later, I received another call to say that they had failed.

I went down to the hospital subsequently to settle the outstanding bill, asked and paid for his cremation. I requested to see the last of Short tail too. And yes, unable to contain my emotions any further, I broke down when I saw him.

That was the last I saw him. For some reasons, I was exceptionally saddened by his death this time round (I had witnessed my other pets passed away too). Perhaps, it was because I saw how he had struggled for the past 1 week. Perhaps, he had been such a charming cat that I do especially love him. Perhaps, I could not control my emotions as well as I did in the past… All the perhaps…

But I do understand very clearly that death was a relief for Short Tail. Even if he was still alive today and still not getting better in any sense, I would have wanted to shorten his pain. In fact I had been toying with the idea ever since his condition had worsened. Just that knowing it and being able to handle his absence are totally different stories (though I still would have done it anyway).

Short Tail would certainly be missed… I thank him for all the companionship, love and affection all these years when he was around…

Such 'Affinity'

For these few months, I must have an ‘affinity’ with the hospital and clinic. Excluding the times for minor ailments and my people’s follow-up consultations, these are my recent visits:

18 Nov 07 - Went to hospital A&E as my mom had a freak accident at home and dislocated her right waist. Brought her NUH at 5pm after running all around trying to find a GP to give her a preliminary diagnosis on a Sat late afternoon. I was there till 11+pm that night, and ended up at home past midnight, feeling totally shacked out.

23 Dec 07 - Spent awhile at Mount Pleasant Clinic. Nope, it is not a place for human beings. Rather it is an animal clinic. Brought my cat, Short tail there as he was down with serious cat flu and not eating.

1 Jan 08 - Spent the first few virgin hours of 2008 in NUH again. Sent my brother to NUH A&E after our NY countdown at Raffles Place (we were there for the splendid fireworks). It turned out to be urinary tract infection.

6 Jan 08 - Spent about 2 and 1/2 hours at Mount Pleasant Clinic again. Brought Short tail there again. He is in a serious condition this time round, with fluids accumulated around his heart that the heart is totally invisible from the X-ray, and his lungs are seriously constricted by the fluids that he is breathing with much difficulty through the mouth. After stabilising his breathing in an oxygen box, the vet had an operation on Short tail immediately to withdraw the fluid (together with lotsa blood). He was nearly having heart failure, and the vet stated that his condition was not bright at all.

Short tail was left in the clinic. I am certainly very much concerned about his condition. Can only wish for miracle to happen that he will pull through this ordeal. He is a very endearing kitty and a very good boy...

Sundown Marathon

To do or not to do? http://www.sundownmarathon.com/

The first night marathon ever in Singapore.

Hmmm… time is tight in view of the fact that I may be a little lazy to do so much training in such a short time.

But the advantage of a night marathon means there is no fear for the sun and the heat, except those who are doing the ultra marathon of 84km.

Any taker?