Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Hmm...

These lyrics from a nice song "These Open Arms" have brought up certain interesting perspectives for me to ponder about:

“What if everything you ever took for granted, was gone?
And everything you ever thought was right, was wrong?
And what if everyone you ever loved was torn, from the pages of your life?
Would you reach out for tomorrow, or try to turn back time? ...

Did you really love the ones you said you loved? Think twice.
And did you make a bit of difference in somebody else’s life?
Tell me, is there someone you can count on when you need a friend?”

Food for your thoughts as well?

Monday, October 30, 2006

Strength

I wish upon the stars
For inner strength
To see me through this period
Where everything seems…
… So overwhelming…

Weary indeed I am
Breathless I am becoming
Little brain is protesting
Capacity is almost full

Slowly things seem to be more
Than I can chew
Sourced changes
Unexpected hiccups
New responsibilities
All flood in together
At the same time

Sometime I wish I could hide myself
In some faraway land
Where no one can find me
Nothing can get me
Such serenity is so appealing

Yet a thought is always just a thought
Walking out is impossible
And I would not
As the saying goes
When the going gets tough
The tough gets going

Strength is an attitude
Resolute it should be
Adversity will pass
And better I will be
Wun I? ...

Gastric...

My gastric is giving me problems again these few days. There is a lot of abdominal discomfort - feeling of pain, fullness, bloating, and nausea. Do not know what happened. Not like I have been skipping my meals. If any, then it must be I gorging too much food down these few days.…? It is definitely not fun to be feeling so bloated and nauseous, and yet experiencing hyperacidity and pain all at the same time. Have been popping my cimetidine pills to help relieve the symptoms and discomfort these few days. :(

Let’s hope it will just get better come tomorrow...

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Westlife - The Love Album

Fell in love with this latest album by Westlife. All remakes, but still thumbs up for these wonderful songs... My friend who passed me this album commented that we 2 are sentimental fools! Haha.



1. The Rose
2. Total Eclipse Of The Heart
3. All Out Of Love (Duet with Delta Goodrem)
4. You Light Up My Life
5. Easy
6. You Are So Beautiful
7. Have You Ever Been In Love
8. Love Can Build A Bridge
9. The Dance
10. All Or Nothing
11. You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling

Friday, October 27, 2006

Connection

Was surfing the net and suddenly decide to check the online dictionary. Found the meanings of these 2 words from Wiktionary:

Connection: A feeling of understanding and ease of communication between two or more people.

Telepathy: The sympathetic affection of one mind by the thoughts, feelings, or emotions of another at a distance, without communication through the ordinary channels of sensation.

Do you have someone(s) whom you have deep connection with in your life now? Such deep understanding that it can almost be telepathic. Words may be redundant - it just takes you a glance to almost guess what may be going through the other person's mind, or a tingling hunch to feel what the other party is feeling. Is that called intuition or purely understanding?

Personally, I do not think this connection is by chance, neither does it happen overnight. Instead, it is built on many small blocks, like open communication, trust, authenticity, and most importantly, the willingness to open your heart to allow the other party to come into your life. Of course, you cannot establish a deep connection with everyone and anyone. It takes perhaps some unexplained affinity or chemistry, some common life experiences and similarity in ways of thinking as the reactants to create the desired reaction.

Will this so-called connection between 2 persons change with time? I figure so. The only constant in life is changes, isn't it? As we move on with life, we change. Together with that, the relationship with the other person also changes - fading with time due to differences or less sharing and communication, or strengthening due to deeper understanding.

At various stages in my life, will I have different people that my heart can connect to?

Or in such vast land, it is my privilege to find someone(s) that our minds are connected in such amazing ways? If it is so, I am indeed blessed, and I cherish...

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Ode to You

Your presence in my life
Has been my privilege and fortune
Loving, caring, supportive, patient
Humorous, passionate, intelligent, sensitive
You are bigger than you think you are
Someone with such big heart
Always ready to give
Always willing to go the extra mile

For me
Your love has been deep
Your support has been steadfast
Your patience has been boundless
Your passion has been infectious

Never did you belittle me
For all my atrocious ideas
Never did you laugh at me
For all the mistakes I have made
Never did you walk out of me
For all the times I am down
Never did you give up on me
For all the times I am lost

'Cos of you
I was, I am and I will be
More than words can put across
I thank you for everything
Let the rest be unspoken
…With lotsa loves…

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

So How?

You know you may regret tomorrow for an action today

What is next?

Ignore, avoid, act blur? Never take any chance?

Or still do it anyway, and accept all consequences?

On the flip side…

You know you may regret tomorrow for an inaction today

What is next?

Act on it? Make it happen? Try anyway?

Or let it be, let it pass and let chances slip you by?

... ... ... ... ...

Monday, October 23, 2006

WestLife - Unbreakable

Westlife - Unbreakable


Fell in love with this song recently. Don't ask me why... Have been listening to this over and over again...

Here's the mtv with the lyrics...

Enjoy... :)

[Shane:]
Took my hand
Touched my heart
Held me close
You were always there
By my side
Night and day
Through it all
Maybe come what may
Swept away on a wave of emotion
Overcaught in the eye of the storm
And whenever you smile
I can hardly believe that you're mine
Believe that you're mine

[All:]
This love is unbreakable
It's unmistakeable
And each time I look in your eyes
I know why
This love is untouchable
I feel that my heart just can't deny
Each time I look in your eyes
Oh baby, I know why
This love is unbreakable

[Bryan:]
Shared the laughter
Shared the tears
We both know
We'll go on from here
Cause together we are strong
In my arms
That's where you belong
I've been touched by the hands of an angel
I've been blessed by the power of love
And whenever you smile
I can hardly believe that you're mine

[All:]
This love is unbreakable
It's unmistakeable
Each time I look in your eyes
I know why
This love is untouchable
I feel that my heart just can't deny
Each time you whisper my name
Oh baby, I know why

[Mark:]
This love is unbreakable
Through fire and flame
When all this over
Our love still remains

[All:]
This love is unbreakable
It's unmistakeable
And each time I look in your eyes
I know why
This love is untouchable
I feel that my heart just can't deny
Each time you whisper my name
Oh baby, I know why
Cause each time I look in your eyes
Oh baby, I know why

[Shane:]
This love is unbreakable

Sunday, October 22, 2006

All is Fine

Well, my mom has been discharged already. So hopefully she will recover well from here. Doc said that she is born with the congenital condition of cysts in her kidneys and livers. Thus her condition recently is caused by inflammation of one/ some cysts. Which one exactly, they can't tell as she has hundreds of them in her kidneys and livers! Kidneys may ultimately fail because the cysts may impair their basic functions. Anyway, let’s take things a step at a time and see how it goes. I do not want to think too much at this point in time, as it can be too scary.

Weather are definitely better these 2 days too, thus I did my runs and a swim this weekend. My poor muscles are aching all over now though! Must be the lack of exercises recently! After so long a break, it is indeed hard to kick start the engines again - my body is obviously protesting! Realised that this is the same with life - once there is a stop in actions, it is hard to get back into creation once more… People always say it is toughest to start off something; I say it is even tougher to keep it going. It is so easy to forget the end goal, lose sight of the initial vision and be blurred by all the distractions along the way…It is comfortable to simply take the easy way out in no matter what we are doing.

Oops, think I am getting out of point here. But well, this is the realisation that I got during my run this evening…

Friday, October 20, 2006

What a Week...

I am worn out this week. Weather has been really bad, so hazy that I could not go out there for a run. Of course, I could have ignored the warning and jog as usual, however, that is not very wise, isn't it? So somehow, I feel that I am letting my body rot a bit too much (especially after so much food indulgence in Bali) and I have too much negative energy, which certainly needs to be sweated out in a run. Haha.

In addition, my brothers and I have been fussing over my mom who is hospitalized now. Her condition is not UTI. Instead, it is something more serious - got to do with kidney, liver or colon. Full detail is yet to be out at this point in time. So I have been in and out of hospital to see her and to make sure that she is doing well. The good news is she is reacting well to the antibiotics and thus her fever has come down nicely. That is a huge relief indeed. Doc has allowed her to eat from yesterday evening and her appetite has regained slightly. Another relief...for the time being...

Guess it is not the hassle to be at different places that is tiring. It is the anxiety that is wearing me out. It is the sense of helplessness to see a loved one suffer and yet there is nothing much I can do about it. But I suppose I am glad to have my brothers around to take care of certain things at different times. Otherwise, I think it would be more than I could cope. The supports from some friends have made it easier too...

All I hope now is that everything will turn out to be fine eventually…

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Old Tree Inspiration

A few phrases caught my eyes while I was reading an article about the writer's thoughts on the old tree outside her house in My Paper today.

“...简单是希望欲望休止, 平静是希望心态和顺, 这一切都为了追求一种大自然。”

“...人生也本该如此吧?就这么顺其自然,人烦我不烦,人贪我不贪, 不必在意太多, 无须太过执著。只要不是消沉和放弃, 简单与平静也能展现一种焕然的生命力。”


Well written indeed.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Considerations, Considerations

Do you consider a lot before you make a remark? For fear you are judged. For fear you offend someone.

Do your thoughts go round the world once before you jump into something? For fear you make a wrong decision. For fear you fail.

Do you stop short in expressing your feelings and emotions to someone you love? For fear of rejection. For fear of being hurt.

Do you even hesitate for long before you drop someone whom matters to you an sms or an email? For fear you are a nuisance. For fear you are an intruder.

Are the concerns real or just unfound internal conversations?

Who make life so complicated? Ourselves?

Why make it so difficult when it can be so simple?

Why make it so tiring when it can be so exciting?

Why make it so hard when it can be so sweet?

Are we living for ourselves or for others?

I don't have an answer.

Do you?

Monday, October 16, 2006

My Mum and Her Illness

It had not been a very fantastic weekend for me actually. My blood pressure has been rising due to my mom. She has this high fever since the start of last week. And she had seen the GPs thrice, to find that her fever still going up and down.

I was actually working half-day morning last Friday, but due to my mom's condition, I instead spent the whole morning at home fussing over her - getting her to drink more water, bath, buying food for her and getting her to eat a little.

Her temperature shot to a high of 39.4°C on Sat morning, thus we decided to send her to hospital. After going all the x-ray, blood and urine tests, the doc certified that she has urinary tract infection (UTI) and she was not responding to the antibiotics that the GP had given her. After monitoring her for awhile in hospital, the doc said she was good enough to go home and be on oral medicine. By the time I was done with her that day, it was already late afternoon. However, I could see that there was a slight improvement in her condition.

Yet, I was boiling mad on Sunday. I could feel my blood pressure shooting up and my veins bursting. My mom decided to listen to hearsay and her friends, and went off stubbornly with her 2 friends to Outram Park to see a Chinese Sinseh in such bad hazy weather. I tried to stop her over the phone, but she insisted and said things like just let her go and die. My youngest brother, who was at home then could not stop her too. I was hoping mad, and headed straight home after putting the phone down with her.

I waited about 2h before she was home. And boy, I really gave it to her for all her nonsensical actions and words! And she was so insistent on stopping the antibiotics that the doc had given her to take the Chinese prescribed medicine. In moments of fury, I nearly threw the bottles of medicines out of the window there and then! After all the scolding and eventually some pampering cum coaxing from me, she finally succumbed, willing to continue with her current course of medicine.

Due to her irresponsible actions, her condition worsened - her temperature was high at 38+°C. So we are all back to square one with her. And I know that she has not been drinking enough water, nor she is eating enough to regain her strength etc. I am really exasperated as I cannot be around her 24h to make sure she does everything to get better. My 2 brothers do not seem to have a way with her - they buy all her bullshit. She is just a kid - the moment you have your eyes off her, she will not do what she is supposed to do, thus prolonging her illness and agony. Thinking about her is enough to get me all stressed up...

Guess if her fever persists tomorrow, it will be hospital for her again... Haiz…

It is a mental strain to take care of someone who is old and sick. If he or she listens to you, the going is easier. Otherwise, it is an uphill task that requires a lot of my attention, effort, time and strength. Sometimes, I am just at my wits end on how to deal with my parents. Yet, it is a personal responsibility I could not and would not avoid. Already on this journey many years back, I only pray that I would just get better at handling all these, and be ever strong for them.

Thank you! :)

For all my friends who had made my last Friday a very special one, thank you! I was indeed sweetly surprised and delighted by some acts.

I sincerely appreciate the efforts of some whom had specially make time for me on that day and day(s) before. You have made me feel important… It is really superb to have each and every one of you in my life.

Of course, I love all the gifts showered on me, be it handmade or bought, be it big or small, and all the good wishes smses. It is the thought that counts, and I feel very blessed to be remembered by so many.

Thank you! :)

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Feeling Small

Feeling small about myself

Reflecting on my contributions to the people in my life

Especially those that I love dearly

Impatient, short-tempered, fierce, unreasonable

Prideful, critical, stubborn, confrontational

My shortcoming list can go on and on

Am I a burden, a pest and a hindrance more than anything else?

What have I done for them? I do not know

What can I do for them? I wonder

Can I do more? I question

How can I be better? Can I be in the first place?

Too nonchalant, ain't I?

Too lazy to put in more effort, isn't it?

Till time passes me by

People walk in and out

Never cherish enough

Ain't there when needed

Till I may just lose what I have

Sorry if I could not be any better

For you

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Other Things We Did at Bali

There are many other things that we did at Bali actually. The five of us, including my brother and his gf stayed in a clean and pretty decent hotel at Kuta area.

We took a day to do white water rafting, which was a first time for all of us. It was an experience and all of us had lotsa fun. We also spent a day exploring some popular tourist areas like Ubud, the rice terraces at Ubud, Kintamani Volcano, the monkey forest etc. We spent some time at the beach, frolicked in the waves and soaked up the warm sun.. Other times, we were just indulging ourselves in their balinese warm hospitality, beautiful nature and idyllic mood. Shopping, walking around, massage and of course, food! We simply ate alot whole day long - just a proper meal at this instance, and the next moment we were at New Zealand Natural. We treated ourselves to ice creams almost everyday! Not forgetting the nasi and mee goreng almost every morning at the hotel. What a way to rot and grow fat!

People are always talking about going to Tanah Lot for their beautiful sunset. Guess it is human nature to miss the nicest, which is always just right in front of them. The far and unreachable always seems the best, isn't it? The sunset at Kuta beach was actually as spectacular. We were there to see it during midweek. Do you know that the sunset is often more brightly coloured than the sunrise, with the shades of red and orange being more vibrant? I was popped a question "Do you like sunrise or sunset more?" Should I add, “ Who do you want to be with at moments like this?”

Here are 2 shots of the sunset... Isn’t it beautiful?

Did not get to see the sunrise this trip even though I could when we were staying at Sanur for diving. After the dives, all of us just could not wake up early the next day! Haha.. Saw the pretty moon again in Bali though. (Dunno when, I start to pay attention to the moon too, especially when it is full...) It wasn't as full as it should be then, yet, it was big and bright as usual. The full moon day was on 7 Oct, so I was hoping to see a really round and bright moon on that particular night. But unexpected always happened- it was raining and thus the sky was very cloudy. As you might have guessed, the moon went missing! However, I did realise in advance that whenever there is a full moon, there will be religious processions in Bali as a form of celebration. So on way to Tulamben for diving, we got caught in that, and ultimately had to make a detour just to avoid the human jam. Yet, we caught a glimpse of how the processions can be. A pretty interesting sight indeed. And due to the detour, we had a bumpy ride along the more rural area along the mountain, allowing us to admire the nice scenery and seeing the local ways of lives, so I figure the 1+h delay was not wasted.

Guess being there with an open mind and a constant reminder to set no expectations made the trip more enjoyable. The 5 of us spent most of our time indulging in 'rotting' and self-entertaining! It was one of my most relaxed trips so far in fact, with lots of time to just laze, be around and be present at each moment…

Diving Experience in Bali

Let me start off by writing about my diving experience in Bali... The dives were the main highlights of my 10 days long trip. There were many first times for me in this dive trip. Few of us were planning to do 3 days of diving actually. In the end, we cancelled one of the days as we saw what we wanted at the dive sites at Nusa Penida. Thus eventually we did 3 dives in Nusa Penida, and 3 dives in Tulamben.

My first dive was at Nusa Penida - Manta Point. Wow, it was the first time that I got to see like 6 manta rays together at a time. The sight was spectacular! However, other than that, the first dive was a horrendous experience for me. The water temperature was only 22 ° C. For someone who has been diving frequently in Malaysia area, this temperature was the lowest ever for me. Though I was in a 5mm wetsuit then, it was too big for me, and thus the cold seawater kept seeping in. To make it worse, the underwater surge was very strong, thus rocking us back and fro underwater. Already feeling slightly unwell before my first dive, I was feeling cold and nauseous in the water after awhile.

When I surfaced from my first dive, I was like puking in water, though no food came out. When I was on the boat, I was shivering big time, with my teeth chattered uncontrollably. Feeling very exasperated and helpless, I was on the verge of tears. However, I told myself that no tear was to be dropped…I went to sit right under the sun, wore another 2 tops, wrapped in tower, trying to fight the cold. The shivering lasted at least 20 min. To make thing worse, I had diarrhea shortly thereafter. Gosh… Luckily, B.B was there for me, trying to make things better for me.

B.B strongly discouraged me to go down for the 2nd dive, as my shivering was really bad after the first dive. But Blue Corner dive site is where the chances of seeing a Mola Mola are the greatest. Unwilling to let go of this chance, I insisted on going down. The water temperature was even colder this time round, with only 19°C at some points in time. I was already shivering uncontrollably in water after 10min. With some elementary knowledge of diving and first aid, I was getting worried that I might just get hypothermia at the rate I was going. But I do suppose that it was a good risk taken, as we really got to see a Mola Mola! That is a weird sunfish indeed, and the sight was awesome!!

The 3 dives at Tulamben were equally spectacular! The water temperature was better at 27° C. Yet due to prolonged diving of an hour a dive, I was again shivering when I was up from each dive. Of course, it was considered very mild compared to that at Nusa Penida. Can really tell that I am scared of cold, isn’t it? Useless me. Ha… Coming back to the dives, the diversity of marine life there is overwhelming! Mantis shrimp, ghost pipefish, pipefish, ribbon eels, scorpion fishes, ball of jack fish (!!), crab, stingrays, puffers, box fish, cowfish, stonefish, cornet fish, lionfish, giant grouper, barracuda, orang utan shrimp etc. The list just goes on! It was really a big wow for the three of us. We certainly would not mind if we were to dive at Tulamben for another day!

Still reminiscing all the sightings today! <:o)

Monday, October 09, 2006

Back in Office Without J

Yup, I am back to reality...Back from my 10 days long bali trip. I have a lot to blog about - on the trip, my experience, my thoughts etc etc.

However, at this moment in time, I just want to pen down my thoughts with regards to this colleague cum friend, J. I did a previous entry on her leaving the company in Aug. As my team was so caught up with preparation for a big scale roadshow those few months, we extended her stay for another month till end Sep. Her last day was on 29 Sep, the day that I flew off to Bali. Luckily I was not in office that day. Otherwise, I did not know how I would react at knock off time. Before I flew off that evening, I dropped her an email, thanking her for the sweet gift that she got especially for me from States and for being around these few years.

First day back to office after a week long to find that she is and will no longer be at her desk. It is sad to think of that - no more nonsense, jokes and laughter with her together in office. Reading what she replied me get me emotional too. And I realize that J and I are very similar in many ways. Like me, she is bubbly, loud, direct and can be confrontational at times. However, when it comes to relationships with people we are close to, we can crumble easily. J is one loyal friend, cherish her close friends a lot, and thus can get hurt when things change. Though she doesn’t seem like tat sort, she always let her emotions overwhelm and consume her and thus affect her in all other areas in her life. I suppose she is more overt in her feelings and emotions with regards to relationships in this sense...

She hangs on to memories a lot, and is sometimes puzzled why things change. Her own words in her email back to me: "..Things change so much in such a short period of time that somehow I think I can't even seem to keep up with them. Or rather maybe it's just me.... I keep looking back, therefore I find it hard to move forward." Guess I can relate to that very well. I used to ask myself why things change, and feel nostalgic in many instances… (But I have also learnt along the way to let it go and let it be..) ... Thus when she is always on this topic and relationships, I can understand fully where she is coming from.

J and I are pretty different in our lifestyles and many ways, yet I suppose it is all the mutual understanding, the things that we share, the moments we had together that brought us closer day by day, unknowingly.

Figure that things are definitely going to be different from what they used to be. It will be a different journey all together. The bonding between us may fade over time too. Who knows? Yet, I thank god for letting her be in my life before and now, and leaving footprints in my life. For that, I am full of gratitude...